my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
so i'm trying to be a better person about everything... here's what i just left for aaron on msn... and no, no formatting. no time right now.
go see this, it describes me right now. layout soon to come, after the paper. download the song form that link too... it's not quite so high pitched and it's pretty.am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
so elsbe just had a fight with me about how much i apparantly truly hate and despise you.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
and to be honest, i don't really.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
yes i'm very weary of the idea of you, especially the idea of a "you two", but that's from what had been outwardly displayed from you in the past.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
and yes i'm very aware that you're away, but i'm talking anyway.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
i'm genuinely sorry i've been an asshat to you, but to be honest i hadn't been personally given any reason not to be... but from what i hear from her about you, i shouldn't be at all.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
..from what i've heard, you've said many of the same things about her that i've said in the past... that i still actually think of her.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
and the whole time she was going off on me, i was sitting there and taking it -though crying because of a previous thought of my cat being put down- because i knew she was mostly right.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
i hadn't been thinking about her feelings nearly as much as i usually do, and i was turning it on myself. and i wanna beat myself in the head for a while for that, but im not going to as i know that would likely only upset her even more.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
if you'll notice, for the last couple of days, i've been avoiding saying anything mean to or about you. because i'm learning. and i want you to know that as well as her, as i'm probably going to show her what i've said once she's off work tonight.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
and i don't say i'm sorry when i don't mean it.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
i've had the good intention of not wanting to see her hurt, but at the same time i've been the one hurting her. and i realise that. so i've been working on getting over it whenever she's not around, because it's generally instigated when she is.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
..i'm sorry for putting you though the ringer on thursday night. i've just... been a wanker lately because of various reasons that i probably shall not be disclosing at this time.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
a lot of things came together at once, and i was just a bitch all day... and worse that night.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
and you may or may not even care to hear all of this, and you may think ill of me for all of this, but i jus twanted it to be said.
am i to be satisfied without knowing? says:
so i'm going to work on that psych paper that was due on tuesday... and you can decide whether or not you'd like to respond. but know that i'm "trying to like you", which basically means i'm alright with you until proven otherwise right now.
right now
singing: wind's nocturne // don't know yet
talking to: you
wishing: murr
feeling: misunderstood
wanting: meh
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.