my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
quite a few things have happened in the past couple of days, but it seems trivial somehow. and to be quite honest, i don't really feel the need to write about them.
yes, i was upset last night, but i still can't really figure out why. there were lots of reasons. i'd hoped to speak with someone, but didn't get to. came in here, spoke with rachel, and passed the hell out when we both got offline. felt a little better upon going to bed after our conversation, which surprised me. not many people solicit that from me, espeically while i'm all ::blargh:: due to various factors -hell, less than a handful in the past week.
and then there's today. went to school, wanted to die in classes, still felt a little bad left over from last night, had an argument through notes in world civ with elsbe, and went immediately to the dmv right after school and earned myself a license on the first try. i start driving myself to and from school tomorrow.
somehow all i want to do is stay here for now. i now have the power to come and go as i please -as long as daddy pays for gas until i get a job- yes i don't feel the need to take advantage of said power. though i said i wanted to i don't really feel the need to go visit kristen in her dorm yet, i don't wanna make the trips to wal-mart and such, i don't want to even go to school right now, but i can't not go as i'll end up getting horribly behind.
it's almost as if... if i don't leave the house, it's as if none of it has happened and she's just gone to run an errand and will be back shortly. no one's around to say ohmaigawd i'm so sorry or anything like that, no one can really remind me. it makes everything almost like a dream.
..then i leave for school or something, and come back to see her truck sitting there and think oh, mom's home!... and realize it's a lie. or i'll be out with elsbe and come back to see the truck gone and think doctor's appointment or errands, and realize that daddy's simply gone to do something in 'my' truck instead of his own.
so right now, i'm sitting alone in the house talking to various people on aim and eating some minty chocolate to quench my cramps -more information than you needed, yes, but pertinant at the moment. hoping to see a certian someone get online, though that may not happen for a while if it does. for now, i'm carrying on somewhat distant conversation with people who i could live with or without talking to at the moment. not to say anything against them, but that's just how it's going.
and kristen's keyboard has just died again. that seems to be a trend lately.
right now
singing: i'm under your spell // buffy's once more with feeling
talking to: josh
wishing: i were sure these damn cramps were gone completely
feeling: meh..
wanting: a large nap
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.