my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
You Look thruMe: mika.
mika the ninja: o.o
You Look thruMe: mom's in the hospital.
You Look thruMe: and i'm told she's likely not getting up.
You Look thruMe: ...
mika the ninja: o_o
mika the ninja: what?
You Look thruMe: wait a sec.
You Look thruMe: back.
You Look thruMe: mom went up the the courthouse while i was in school to take up apperwork so she didn't have to serve jury duty next week 'cause of her surgery.
You Look thruMe: evidently in the process, she had a massive heart attack.
mika the ninja: O_O;;
You Look thruMe: she collapsed, they took her to the nearest hospital -one she hates- and she's not awake.
mika the ninja: don't worry she can pull through...
mika the ninja: my 80 year old grandma had a heart attack
mika the ninja: she's still here
You Look thruMe: they called me in an audition (that i didn't even get to do), repeatedly. thought it was ashers 'cause she's moving in at k-state today.
mika the ninja: your mom will be too
You Look thruMe: she's had one before though.
You Look thruMe: and she has countless other problems.
mika the ninja: hm
You Look thruMe: and my aunts and gramma are telling me she looks the way connie did right before...
You Look thruMe: and that they're not looking for her to wake up.
You Look thruMe: they took me up there, i walked about a foot in the room, walked back out.
You Look thruMe: i can't do it.
mika the ninja: ;_;
You Look thruMe: and they're all trying to pressure me into going back up there and staying there, but i can't.
mika the ninja: ::huggles::
You Look thruMe: ::hugs back::
You Look thruMe: gwen's being the nicest about it.
You Look thruMe: and things.
mika the ninja: bleh
mika the ninja: you should, though
You Look thruMe: elsbe just called and she's skipping out on work for me...
mika the ninja: you might regret it if she doesn't wake up
You Look thruMe: i can't mika.
You Look thruMe: i tried.
mika the ninja: close your eyes?
You Look thruMe: i tried really hard to get myself to even walk in the room.
You Look thruMe: i couldn't.
mika the ninja: have elsbe blindfold you and walk you in
You Look thruMe: doesn't help.
You Look thruMe: heh, funny.
mika the ninja: would they let elsbe in?
mika the ninja: maybe if she was with you, you could
You Look thruMe: they tried just about everything.
You Look thruMe: if i say she's my sister, they better damn well let her.
mika the ninja: ah
You Look thruMe: she essentially is.
You Look thruMe: but.. yeah.
You Look thruMe: mika i do'nt konw if i can do it.
You Look thruMe: and if nothing, mom knows how i am with that.
You Look thruMe: and she knows everyhting else she needs to know about loving her and all that fun stuff everyone always says that someone needs to go up there and tell them.
You Look thruMe: even if they already know it.
You Look thruMe: we have a silent connection with that.
You Look thruMe: i.can't.do.it.
...
elsbe's on her way here right now, called in to work. not gonna be alone. anyone who wants to call, you should know the cell number by now. if not, just email me. can't guarantee i'll check it today or anything like that, but i'll eventually get it...
...i can't take this.
right now
singing: nothing, oddly enough
talking to: christina, mika, kasai
wishing: ...
feeling: scared
wanting: you fucking tell me
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.