my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
the job thing didn't happen. pyramid scheme, which i don't feel like messing with. and so i go on unemployed yet again.
spent a couple hours with sash as she ran errands, including going to lansing to get her pool water tested. i was just happy to be out of the house, as i haven't been in what feels like a long time now... but likely wasn't too long.
called and told her i was home, and sash was still here when she showed up. after sash left, we watched fast times at ridgmont high as we were both virgins to said movie. saw much more boobage than either of us truly needed to ever see, though it was generally the same boobage, simply done repeatedly.
her mom's decided they need a pool, and they were getting it today. after the movie, she called to ask if i could come with them to which she got repeated nos to. they fought a few minutes, then hung up. she called back a few minutes later, fought, and ended up going home to go with them. so her mom made her choose between her and me, which wasn't the nicest thing in the world to do. we fought for a couple minutes from the house to her car, ending in her giving me a hug and the promise of a phone call later tonight.
i took it relatively well. came back to the house and slammed the front door, proceeded to slam my bedroom door, flopped into my bed, and lay there without my glasses simply staring at the ceiling and wondering why about everything that's been happening since i graduated.
best way i could've taken it.
so originally she was going to ask her mom if she could stay the night thursday into friday for my birthday. i'm getting a feeling that's not going to happen should my very life and being depend upon it. well, not that she won't ask... but that her mom will never let her do so. don't know why, but that burns me to no end.
...
i want my best friend sister back.
right now
singing: somewhere i belong // linkin park
talking to: myself
wishing: for anything but this
feeling: numb
wanting: things to have happened differently since graduation
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.