my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i've come to the conclusion that i really do need to find someone who makes me feel the way that she does. i'm more comfortable being with and laying with her than i ever have been with anyone else. when she's near me, everything feels alright even if it's not. a smile can take it all away, a certain look in her eyes can melt away any sadness or anger present in mine. the feel of her fingers playing with my hair brings safety, security. her arm(s) around me make me feel that i'm at home, moreso than i feel anywhere else - even my own home. feeling her kiss my cheek from time to time is enough to produce a sheepish grin.
she told me the other night that she trusts me completely. i remember the last time that we were laying in her bed talking about trust. she told me then that she doesn't even trust her mom one hundered percent, but reassured me that she really trusted me a lot. i asked her why, and she replied because i know you'd never hurt me on purpose, that i'm safe when i'm with you.
right now, i still find myself somewhat speechless. i kind of wonder if she even remembers telling that to me, as i know she forgot a lot of what happened the other night 'cause of her pain medication. i feel kind of even proud to be someone that another can trust so much, as i don't think i ever really have been. i've trusted her since... i don't even remember, but i've trusted her more than anyone else.
i'm glad that she's found someone who she can trust so completely, but it makes me wonder to myself why it's me that she trusts - aside from my never hurting her.
right now
singing: broken // seether feat. amy lee
talking to: random d-land person, saibur, joe
wishing: mom or daddy would get up already
feeling: alright
wanting: breakfast
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.