my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
this seems to be something that needs to be said to a lot of people lately, at least parts of it. you should know if you qualify for all of this. it was a comment i left for the storm yesterday in her lj whilst i was at school.
[insert name here]. what the holy hell is wrong with you?! do you enjoy making yourself lose the friends that you have or something? i mean really. i'm hanging around with her right now because i want to. if she wasn't hurt, i'd still likely be around. i'm sorry if i freaked out when i saw her the first time as i was walking out during graduation. i didn't know what the fuck happened, i just knew my sister was in a wheelchair crying. i'm sorry if i have feelings. i'm sorry i want to be there for my friends anytime, not just when they're convenient for me or when i'm desperate to go out and do something.
i've stuck with you through all of this up until this point. really. and if you had something to say to me, you should have said it before. you shouldn't just out of nowhere say everything that you feel the need to say to me. just say it as we go along, it makes it a lot easier... and causes a lot less pissiness. 'cause at this point, i'm not too sure that i want to be there for you anymore. i'm letting go of a lot of people right now not because i want to, but because i have to because of the current situation. you? it's almost to a have to situation. make me change my mind.
besides, what made it sound like i thought it was the end of the world? i'm sorry if i wrote what i was thinking when i saw her, it's my diary. i thought i had the right to log things like that in my own diary/journal. i figured someone would likely say something, but i thought they would say it to my face or on my comments or something.
we need to talk later. i don't know when i'll be home, call my cell phone tonight after nine so it doesn't kill me and mom's minutes.
and then there's this as well:
You Steal myPain: another to add to the multitude of things and people that piss me off: elsbe's mom called twenty minutes ago (after she knew i was there late and would sleep in late) to tell me that i'm not allowed to go over there today 'cause 'elsbeth needs to sleep because she thinks she has a chance at going to work tomorrow, though i'm doubting it. you need to refrain from coming over.'
yeah, 'cause we're not laying down 90% of the time we're around each other and we don't doze off together off and on never.
MDPrier: And how is YOU going over there gonna prevent her from being tired at work? DUH
MDPrier: Mother's are so weird.
You Steal myPain: it's not the being tired at work, it's her leg getting better.
You Steal myPain: though she caught us in a... compromising position... last night. we weren't doing anything, she just decided to roll over and half lay on me.
MDPrier: OH yeah, compromising position with WITHOUT clothes...
You Steal myPain: roar. i was up 'till two in the morning and she called and woke me up.
oh well. needed to take a bath anyway... sasha's picking me up to go up for yearbook signing later.
right now
singing: haunted // evanescence
talking to: you
wishing: it were still last night, that was comfy
feeling: lost
wanting: to be somebody else
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.