my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
she picked me up yesterday afternoon after we had a minor disagreement, though we got through it in under a half hour. ended up at the mall for her to get graduation cards (and me to wander through other stores while she got mine), and where landa bought her first manga. gravitation. i'm sure saibur and the ninja will be happy to hear that, especially 'cause i'll have all the time in the world to read it today with great gramma's birthday thing being out in st. joe this afternoon. fackers.
last night was... wonderful. we were us again. before inuyasha, we were out on her swing talking and singing and listening to music. then we watched inu, only to go back outside and lay in the grass together for a few hours. it was nice being able to do that without worrying about having to leave or her being anywhere sometime soon. she said things last night that gave me all the more reason to love 'er, as they sounded like things that i'd thought about in the past - hell, that i've thought about recently, yet haven't been vocal about.
we were listening to the mix that i just made her a couple of days ago. on said mix is the reason, which always makes me think of her now. because it was on and reminded me about it, i thanked her for changing me. she never asked me to do so, but i did it for her anyway, subconsciously for myself. i like who i am now more than i did myself before she and i knew each other the way that we do now. i'm less bitchy, less solitary, less cynical... more of who i'd wanted to be anyway, yet had never had a chance or reason to be that way. she helped me start over new, she gave me a reason to do all of it. no one really had before then.
tomorrow's graduation, then my little 'party' afterwards. from there, summer. time to be able to do things like that again. i'd missed it amongst the chaos that's been surrounding us for so long.
right now
singing: the reason // hoobastank
talking to: myself
wishing: i didn't have to go -_-
feeling: achy
wanting: ..another manga for when i finish this one 'cause i know it'll happen today
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.