my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
so today's consisted of one and a half study halls so far, with another half to go and then another this afternoon. why? because i took the ap test yesterday and didn't need to take the second hour final, everything's finished in eighth hour now, and then there's aep at the end of the day. the only reason for me to even appear in this building today is choir next hour and then the choir banquet later tonight. oh yeah, and there's practice after school for maybe fifteen minutes with the girl and jake. as if that's going to go any better than it has before.
i've found myself thinking through the whole morning so far, even while i was drawing in second hour (which i shall post in the future after i take a picture of it). most of it was thoughts about last night, but there was more there than that. things from last year came back and i kept hearing certain phrases in my head, over the maroon 5 cd i was listening to at the time. it's all pulling my thoughts in different directions to the point where i'm not sure what to think anymore. i'm trying to keep up the facade that i'm fine with everything and that nothing's really bothering me, but it's getting progressively harder. though as of now, i've only got two weeks left of having to do that.
i've been writing for five minutes now. i'm getting impressed with my typing skills and how i can basically type more in a stream of thought pattern than i can with writing. i just can't write this fast. when i was younger i could, but no one else could read it even if they wanted to.
i digress.
it seems like i can only draw well after i've had a night like i had last night. though yesterday in seventh hour disproved that a bit as i drew the garfield hanging up in tommer's room in ink rather well. but for me to really want to draw something, i have to be in the right situation emotionally. lately that hasn't happened a lot. well, more than lately. more like since around december it hasn't happened much. projects sit unfinished around everywhere, while there are seven or eight that were finished first semester in my slot and in my folder. the same goes for my poetry, as that diary sits untouched rather often these days.
the drawing in question:
i need someone to keep me like this. really. because the same person can't keep doing this... at least not this way.
right now
singing: sweetest goodbye // maroon 5
talking to: the ib art juniors
wishing: there were something to do
feeling: happy
wanting: nap party
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.