my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
to the girl,
i know you don't want to talk or read about this, but dammit it's coming out. i was fighting this for a while, but i can't anymore. you can ignore this if you want, i don't rightly care this time, just know what you're ignoring.
this has got to be the time that i've been hurt the worst by you. i know you have your own things going on, but you always do. i've managed to make time whenever you've needed it, but it doesn't appear to happen for me anymore. no matter what the cost i'll do that, and it feels more one-sided now than it ever has before. what's changed? as far as i know i haven't, hell i've grown up more in the past year more than anything. as soon as i think i've caught up, it all seems to change again.
for the record, know that i'm not blaming your relationship with the hobo for any of this, nor am i comparing our relationship to each other with another one. i just want to know if you notice the things that i and others are noticing. it's almost as if you seem to be pulling away more and more.
tonight i've been extremely hyper since i've talked to you, but i feel like i'm on the verge of tears. go on and say i'm over-reacting, i know you will. i don't think i am. you likely wouldn't think you were over-reacting in this situation either. i don't know how much longer i can stand this, especially from one so close. hopes get raised entirely too high and are immediately shot downin one deft swoop. if it were the first time it's happened i'd have no problem with it, but this isn't even the second or third anymore - i stopped counting long ago.
i may have 'less to balance,' but i've got just as much stress, if not more. i try not to take it out on you and i think i actually do a pretty good job of it. to be honest, you don't even know all that i've been thinking or worrying about lately. i've been taking it in from everyone else and not really releasing myself. mounting pressure isn't a good thing, especially when coming down upon relationships with others.
i understand if you don't want to do my immortal after this. i'll do it on my own if need be, maybe get mrs. hegge to play for me. i just can't ignore this when it's enough to keep me from sleeping or even functioning normally. write back or something if you can or want to. hell, use our journal... if you don't ignore what i've said, that is.
love,
landa
right now
singing: missing // evanescence
talking to: you
wishing: my neck didn't hurt
feeling: different somehow
wanting: don't get me started
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.