my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
things started up with elsbe and her mom again tonight. evidently her aunt won't do anything for her anymore, meaning that the house is on her mom's side. at some point tomorrow she's bringing the car over for daddy to look at again and was gonna stay a while, but neither of us see her taying here as of now. she said she was crying inside, that she couldn't actually cry anymore.
you have no idea how much it hurt to hear that. i (used to) know that feeling all too well... i remember when it was a daily thing for me. what really scares me is it's seemed that way for her lately. i wish i could just go over there and be with her or take her someplace else for a while. seeing her like this kills me, in a few ways actually. i evidently can't help much, she's been bringing up chuck for that; there's really noting that can be done to chande this; i've been prefectly fine for once... but she's hurting; she knows of and appreciates the offer to live here, though i'm not for certain her pride would allow it; she's been forced to grop up in so many ways up until now, you'd think it would let up a bit at some point, not just get constantly haeder.
never in my life have i wanted something simple to help something large as much as right now. i want to know i'm telling the truth when i say things will turn out okay, to know that simply laying together talking or holding her while doing so would solve it all in some way or another. alas, the days of childhood logic ended years ago, changing all of that. now all one can do for the other is to be there to say it will be alright whether you truly doubt it or not, to hold another for the pure fulfillment of the need for positive human contact and hope that it eases their pain. here's hoping that can be pulled off this time... if not, these things are gonna be even more unbearable on both our parts.
right now
singing: fields of innocence // evanescence
talking to: you
wishing: ::sigh::
feeling: bad
doing: singing
wanting: to lose the hero complex i've developed
drinking: water
eating: air?
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.