my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i just got home from going to prom. yeah... rather late, eh? i didn't really habe all that great of a time anyway, though there were a few hilights including me ending up freak dancing a chair o_o;;. that, and elsbe & jake swing dancing... that boy can barely dance, i'm proud of elsbe for getting him to do that. from the looks of it, i do believe that kristen and adam might get back together, given they kissed multiple times at the dance and evidently did some pretty heavy making out in the limo afterward. bobbie and anthony were extremely comfortable with each other for going as just friends... and by the time it was getting to where we were about to leave ihop elsbe was starting to fall asleep on jake. not to mention boone and jessica were being cute, as usual.
...
see, i knew that things wouldn't go as i was told they would from the start. right after kristen, elsbe and i got our picture taken care of and we were going back to the table, there weren't any seats left because all of the couples had them. (ten per table, shawn and lizzi had come to the table as well -_-;;.) i was about to sit at the next table when they had me drag over another chair and steal a set of silverware from another table to sit with them somehow. i ended up having to sit about a foot away from the table and it was rather challenging to eat, so i did so quickly.
i noticed that whenever i'd try to say something to someone, either someone would interrupt, or they were enthralled in conversation with whomever they came with. for quite some time, i just kind of sat there sort of hugging my purse and staring around at everyone. (by the way, casey cleans up really nice and kris and els looked beautiful as well.) at some point megan came over and kissed my cheek, leaving a nice little lipstick mark. elsbe got the other cheek, though without lipstick. later on in the night meg got that one too so i was pretty well marked. but i think that the original one was gone by then...
most of the couples had gone out to dance already and it was me, kristen and adam. adam went to the restroom and kristen came over to sit with me since i was alone watching purses. she said she didn't want to see me alone and put an arm around me. that made me feel a lil bit better, given she's not too huge on affection most of the time. then of course, a slow song came on as jessica and boone came back. immediately all four went out to dance and i was left at the table alone. i glanced around the room and saw that i was the only person sitting down and started crying before i could help myself. everyone evidently either was in the bathroom or had someone to dance with through at least the slow song... except for me. i took off my glasses and covered my face with my hands so no one would notice as they came back. elsbe and jake were back first and my head was still down. i quickly wiped off my face right before elsbe asked me what was wrong. i told her not to worry about it and to have fun, that i'd talk to her tomorrow. she told me that i was depressing her cause i wasn't having fun and that kind of made me feel worse.
in all actuality, for most of the dance i was fighting back tears. we all know i hate dancing. when jake and elsbe were dancing near the table and had sat down a while i sat backwards in a chair and kind of danced when elsbe was chair dancing as well, but that's about it. i didn't want to go out on the floor number one, because there were too many people there and number two, because i really hated the music they were playing for the most part. after a bit, elsbe, jake and i started just talking about whatever until they announced the last slow songs. everyone went out to dance again and i just went to stand outside of the room waiting on them to come out at the end. i kept ending up in the way of pictures that other couples were having friends take of them and ended up to the side leaning on a table keeping a whole lot of tears back. i just kind of paced for a while so that i could keep myself under control and waited for them to come out. when they did we went outside where i found out that i could go to ihop with them.
...but that's not the end of it.
that was at midnight. at about one thirty, i was still sitting outside of ihop waiting on them. mom and dad came back out of the building and i used mom's phone to call bobbie's house. her brother told me that she was taking everyone home, that they decided not to go without telling me. i immediately started crying and hung up when mom reminded me that i could try kristen's cell phone and find out what the hell happened. turns out they had just toured the plaza in the limo and were on the way to ihop after dropping adam off at bobbie's so he could start heading home. so i sat there and waited even longer on them, feeling more and more lonely and pathetic because of it.
when they got there we all went in, all couples sitting together and then there was kristen and i. the other end of the table was talking a whole lot, but i just had my head down drinking my root beer and watching everybody. bobbie was getting pretty comfortable on anthony, elsbe was starting to drift off on jake's shoulder, jessica and boone were just being themselves... ::sigh::. i tried for a while to just leave money for my drink and leave but elsbe wouldn't have it. i tried to at least act like i was enjoying myself with them for the rest of the time, still hiding how lonely i actually felt... actually still feel for that matter.
they all left together and i left with my parents. we ended up going to wal*mart for basically no reason at all, then to seven eleven to get the slurpee that i'm currently working on. ::sigh:: i really never thought that tonight would go like it did. i mean i did enjoy myself a little bit towards th end of the dance, but i didn't think that i'd be so melancholy and depressing all the rest of the night. i thought i'd be able to have some form of fun, but i guess i was wrong...
it's a good thing i met that guy yesterday with the sweet personality and plenty of affection to spare or i would have totally lost it right now. i think i'll go pet chevy goodnight...
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