my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i found these questions on someone else's diary and thought i'd have a go at answering them. some of you may have already seen it in an email that i sent out, but the rest of you might find this rather... interesting? try answering the questoins yourself if you like, it's rather fun though time concuming. this is what i did today to rid myself of boredom for a while, hope you like:
Did Adam and Eve have navels? who knows? i sure as hell don't. i'd imagine that they didn't since they weren't actually born o_O
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window? yes well, there's huge ass gusts of wind coming when they stick their heads out the window, not just a little annoying thing coming from some human's mouth.
Do one legged ducks swim in circles? yes, yes they do.
Do atheists get insurance for acts of God? ::eyebrow goes up:: probably, given that we live in a prodominately christian country and people will assume that they're christian. either that, or they'll call it acts of nature instead.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ...it's not like they're made out of animals. dorks.
Does anybody ever vanish with a trace? it's possible, it depends on how well one is of covering their own tracks.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? a gun is significantly larger and if it wasn't originally aimed at his chest or something, there's a pain potential; i.e. if it hits him upside the head or something.
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? because there still could be some power in them... or you're simply too lazy to get up and change the channel. or wishful thinking
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty? having pictures of shelves instead of actual shelves =)
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness? ...get in one of those concorde airplane thingymajiggers and just go.
How is the handicapped parking situation handled at the Special Olympics? there's one huge ass first and second row of parking and all spectators must park a mile away.
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? easy, hell froze over overnight.
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? eh, they could just be wacked upside the head with a blunt object a couple times and told never to do it again, given that most people wash their hands with soap anyway.
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown? i'd hope they'd be intelligent enough to notice the other had drowned when they ran out of air underwater and go up for air to get the other.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? naked AND homeless!
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? on the moon eating popcorn.
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? because lime and lemon are types of green and yellow =)
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? yes, just for you.
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on? probably not that many because until then they could just write stuff on paper and use scotch tape to tape it somewhere.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? when the person who is doing their shift sees someone they don't like they don't have to let them in.
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him? ask his mother.
If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then? ..i wouldn't push my luck
If a tree falls in the forest without anyone there, does it still make a sound? Do the other trees make fun of it? well dur it makes a sound and i'm sure that the other trees point and laugh until a homonoid shows up and they they go right back to standing there and looking up like nothing ever happeend.
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If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? -10
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? you think about how that sounds and you tell me.
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? yes because congress takes a long time to make progress... so it would of course be the opposite of progress
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? the person who was being interrogated while their life depended on it. if they were to say anything more they would be dead, which would put them pretty much behind
If Superglue is so good why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube? i'm not sure, but it adheres to that damned lid rather well doesn't it?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first? yes, yes they would. but of course where's the profit in that?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? because it sounds really effing stupid.
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? possibly, i know I wouldn't make everything the shape of a penis.
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, do you plan a surprise birthday party for them? back to that them calling you first thing... they're not really a psychic so its safe to do so.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? you've succeeded in failing miserably.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? no because no one knows about it... and it would in turn have to be included in itself.
If the "black box" survives every plane crash, why not make the entire plane out of that stuff? plane manufacturers are communist bastards... either that or the cia isn't willing to share what it's made out of.
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? nothingness
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure? yes, you will need to spend hundereds and thousands of dollars on therapy and medications for your plant so that it can become a well adjusted critter.
Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice? yes, and it's freaky that therapist looks so damn much like the rapist.
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? yes, they're half done already.
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit" rather than a "near miss"? ..it depends on whether you hit it or missed it.
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? hell no, you are to be drunk by noon.
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? skin toned
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? a free gift would be what you get after paying for something else. jeez people, read the small print!
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? pink
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? YOUR MOM'S!
Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote? Don't you have to get up to get to the tape? because originally it was designed to make the tape a projectile that flys to wherever the remote sensor is coming from when the button is pushed but it caused too many injuries.
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? ..what's with eleven?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? because most times planes crash over water... and you can just hope that you're not one of the unfortunate few who ends up on a remote island in the middle of nowhere.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? because we're working on making underground routes to hawaii because mainlanders are getting worse and worse tans out of bottles and they need authentic ones with a passion. it's a fashion police project.
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? because a small child came up with the phrases and didn't know the difference.
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? because you're apart from your parents
Why do "tug" boats push their barges? because push boat doesn't sound as cute.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? because they were originally the other way around but it was found it's easier to park in a driveway and drive on a parkway after there were multiple accidents on the streets and people doing wide-assed doughnuts in driveways/parking lots.
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game", when we are already there? because we're singing as if we're the poor schmucks that are stuck watching the game on tv
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? they might have forgotten they forgot their watch? i dunno o_o
Why don't you ever see baby crows or pigeons? they're camouflaged
Why is it building "buildings", shouldn't they be called a "built" when completed? well how dumb does it sound to YOU to say "go to the built to your right"?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? negative connotations that are attached to the word
Why is it called "after dark", when it is really after light? ..i can't think of a smart ass remark for that one.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? less distractoin or something.. of course i blast the radio when i'm lost to get the fact that i'm lost out of my mind.
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? have you tasted dishwashing liquid lately? it's not really all that great.
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto? because disney was compensating for something.
Why is there only one commission that determines monopolies? because they are a natural monopoly themselves
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they know you don't have? wishful thinking?
What is the speed of dark? zero
What do you do when you discover and an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants? make more of the plants and put the animals all together with an equal distribution of males and females and hope for the best.
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's? have you watched some of the people who drive up to those things? they might be pretty far-sighted.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? if they miss they get to live.
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