my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i got home from school twenty minutes ago.
...
yes, today i had to stay after to help decorate for the sds dance, hang out for a little while, eat dinner that mr. lane so graciously bought for me, go to quilters (the musical elsbe and kristen were in), wait a while on them to change, go to the dance with them and clean up from the dance. i left the school at about eleven thirty and ended up having to go to osco with my parents even though i wanted to get home to work on kristen's birthday present and go to sleep. you've got no idea how much i wanted to be able to do that, and then i was told that we weren't going home. i almost cried. i know that compared to people who were in the musical i have no right to bitch, but damn my ass was asleep AND my feet hurt like hell. what the hell could be more awkward than that?
when painting the backdrop for the pictures, i ended up getting paint all over my jeans. ..the jeans that kristen got me for christmas. mr. lane had me go change into my dance clothes and he worked on getting the paint out of them for me. we're figuring that when he put the smock on it me was the side that he had on the outside when it was on himself. right now i've no clue if the stains came out of them because i didn't clean them. (side note: and i just found out that mom didn't, which means that they're probably as good as ruined now... dammit i loved those pants...) mr. lane told me that he'd replace them for me and he thought he was looking at about fifty dollars but i relieved him by letting him know that i got them in dillard's junior clearence section for about fifteen. well, kristen did but it's the same diff because i picked them.
after i had my dinner consisting of a 1/4 sub from subway and a bag of baked lays barbecue chips and a root beer, i went ahead into the theatre for the play. i personally thought it was really good compared to most of the productions that i've been to for sumner. i get a feeling that it's probably because i knew most if not all of the cast, but i seriously thought that it was good. and of course, kristen and elsbe did the best out of everyone =). honestly i loved elsbe's solo. and now i can also say i told you so to kristen because i always thought that she was a good actress. in the foirer after the show i met up with kristen and elsbe who were still in costume and got a hug from kristen ^_^, and i didn't even have to initiate it this time, hehe. after that they had to go help strike set and all that fun stuff so i hung around in the theatre waiting on them to go to the dance. it took maybe a half hour and we were all walking down the hallway on the way to the cafeteria which took about four hours to decorate.
we got there and immediately sat down to play uno for a while. i swear those two are hilarious when they're tired... it was a slurpee incident without the excess sugar. after a while we actually went out and danced (well i kinda swayed and moved my hips... mostly headbanging to the blasting r&b they were playing) after various drama happened around everyone. i actually ended up having fun which i didn't think i would do. i ended up in a picture of kristen, bobbie and elsbe along with the sds committee picture in which i ended up with a half grin so it looks like i'm completely disinterested. the committee members all got fake roses to hold on to as well so it felt nice running around pretending i had a date that gave me a rose for a while.
a little after eleven i called mom to tell her that we needed to be out by eleven thirty and she yelled at me. i was about to just break down right then and there because of all the things going wrong around me today. (side note: i broke my brand new hairbrush today too. don't ask me how cause i don't rightly know... but i can't afford a new one.) i waited for elsbe and kristen to get their stuff together to go outside and wait on my mom and found that their ride was already there. so, i ended up there for about twenty minutes outside of sumner in the cold by myself because everyone else was still inside. i walked around a bit and watched the balloons i swiped fly around in the breeze, looking as if they were only slightly restrained by the ribbons that they were attached to. it reminded me of various things: trying to break away from my parents, the time that i have left in sumner, trying to break free of anything holding me down so i can be free to be what i want to be.
i'm going to take my weary self off of diaryland to work on part of kristen's birthday gift. i get a feeling that i'm gonna end up surprizing her with various things through all of next week cause number one i've always wanted to do that for someone and two i don't think that i'll have done what i wanted done by tomorrow. guess i'll start off tomorrow with saturday and sunday's presents and give her stuff through next week. yes, landa can be a sweetie sometimes =).
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