my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i had a strange dream last night that involved the school looking like various buildings that i've been in for a prolonged amount of time. the choir room was the band room from my middle school with risers set up in it for us to sit on; i'd had a class in the band room in seventh grade. i went from there to outside which was the same as it actually is. i sat down for a while but when i saw casey coming outside i met her halfway and walked back with her, ending up getting a kiss when we got back to where i was sitting o_o. i'm just guessing that we were going out in this dream, because before i left to go to a class or something we told each other i love you and hugged and all that fun stuff i see every day.
in fifth hour i told her about that dream and was halfway tempted to not tell her the part about her in there. i'm guessing that a part of me liked her because i never have dreams like that about someone i know unless i like them. sure, there's your random good looking guys or girls that pop up out of my imagination that i end up gazing at stars and cuddling with, but if it's someone i know it's someone who i actually like. it felt really awkward trying to tell her about it so i ended up writing it to her and she said that it was interesting. (side note: there's no chance, she goes out with furry. so, don't tell me to jump her! you know who you are...)
after school when the sds dance comittee went to get the food and stuff for tomorrow, i ended up riding in dana's car with her, desi and corey. well, she blasted dueling banjos on her extremely loud and good for being old sound system supposedly just for me. she rolled down the windows and all that fun stuff and it was funny as hell because there were people from our school all around us. later on it was just me and her when she was taking me home because the others live closer to tina and she was listening to a song that i recognized but didn't remember. i looked it up when i got home and it was dreamer by ozzy. of course, i'm now on a classic rock/metal kick and all of my remaining blank cds are about to be filled with the likes of queen, ac/dc, meatleaf, ozzy, black sabbath, fleetwood mac, heart, chicago, metallica, van halen, led zepplin, rolling stones, quiet riot... various other older bands because i'm still not done looking. i'd been wanting to make something like that on a tape for a really long time and i figure since i've got a cd burner i can just do it on there and save my money and time from buying or borrowing the tapes or cds from other people.
dad and i had a nice little bonding experience while i was looking up songs because he was a rocker/meatelhead in his day. hehe, he knows all the best bands to look up. all i need is the band and i'll find at least ten songs by them that i find familiar and have loved since i was little. that's what i got growing up around him and mom... everything from donny and marie and jackson five to the steve miller band and ac/dc, not to mention the older country music. yes, landa has always had a very strong musical background. i remember three main things from when i was younger and they all involve music with my parents or my granmma. when i would go outside and "help" dad fix a car he would be listening to rock/metal and after a time i would sing along with it. with mom i would be alone with her when dad was at work and listening to the lighter music of the time and classic country like loretta lynn and patsy cline and we'd both sing with it. (that's back when she had a voice before she smoked more and got sicker.) every weekend that i'd stay the night at gramma's on saturday nights i'd wake up on sunday mornings to the classic country show on her favorite radio station and help her make pancakes or waffles for breakfast.
those are the happiest memories i have of my childhood, well for the most part. it always involved music in some way and for the most part it was older music. i get a different attitude or into a different mood when i listen to those songs these days. lisa could see a different look in my eyes, as could i when i caught it in my cam. i've always known that i change when i'm listening to this particular choice of music but i didn't think that other people could actually notice it. right now, it's wanted dead or alive by bon jovi and i'm kind of swaying to it and tapping my foot like i do in choir when i'm trying to stay on beat and am really getting into the music. it almost feels as if i go back in time to when i was younger whenever i hear any of that music... and i really like it. i'm not scared of what people will think of me when i sing that music at the top of my lungs and i just feel like having fun, whether i end up being by myself dancing around my room singing into a pencil or a lotion bottle or if i'm with friends acting stupid. o'course i dunno if many of my friends that i hang around with all the time on weekends like this music so i dunno if that one can happen, but it just seems like hella fun.
edit, 9:44 p.m. i remembered something. when we were all at sam's club looking for sodas and cookies in bulk, dana and i were messing around some going around the isles. when we were going to the front to check out, she asked if she could be a little kid helping mommy to push the cart and i said sure. i scooted over and she took half the cart and she said oh well we're just a couple of lesbians anyway as a guy was walking by. he looked at us as and after he got by us he turned around and looked at dana and laughed. that was funny as hell and i thought i should add it in here before i forgot. it was great, hehe.
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