my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i'm starting to think that life is just one great big unfinished drawing. in the past few days, i've started two or three drawings, but i just can't finish them. i can see in my mind what i would want them to be, but i can't bring my hand and arm up to the task. i don't know if it's supposed to tell me anything or not, but it feels strange not to be able to complete them.
as of now, it takes most of my energy to sit up, let alone type. it's bad when it gets to the point where it hurts to look at something or to blink. it's been quite some time since i've been this sick, especially sick enough to miss a full day of school. after fourteen hours of sleep, i'm left feeling just as bad as before, if not worse. i can't eat anything or it hurts more, i don't want to sleep all day... living on popcorn and popscicles isn't my idea of a life.
i'd really wanted to go to school today because i'd get to find out how i did on my odd day finals... including chemistry. i tried emailing mrs. schuckman about it seeing if she could send me my grade, but i guess she can't. i'd wanted to go to school because i'd be out of the house as well, with people who actually care. it's sad when a sixteen year old has to turn to being at school to feel comfortable... especially when this particular sixteen year old felt extremely out of place at the same school not even a year ago.
the past few days haven't been very interesting, i'm sorry. i blame illness on that. but at least i'm getting something down, even if it's a little scatterbrained and short.
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