my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
the night before last, elsbe and i ended up going to wal-mart, me being armed with twenty dollars from my parents when they handed it to me and said leave, now. we played around there for a while, she got some more christmas shopping done and i bought a fuzzy poster box along with a candle kit that she'd found that would be rather interesting to use. we got back to my house in time to make one of the candles to find out that the stuff used for them is of the thickness of boogers. i got some all over my bed, which was rather nasty later on that night, but we were having fun trying to cut it into the shapes and everything that they give you cutters for. i have no idea how a small child could cut through that stuff, because i'm sixteen and she's seventeen and neither of us could make a clean cut through any of it. maybe it's just a kid thing, i dunno. we were sort of amazed at the fact that it actually burned when we were done. she ended up taking that one home with her, and i just made the star and rainbow. i think i'll give the rainbow to ashers as part of her christmas present.
the same night, i ended up taking nyquil and going to bed at about ten thirty. mom was still asleep when i did so, so i didn't get ot say goodnight to her, not to mention that dad was passed out in his chair. given that i had the added help of nyquil, i was in stage one sleep pretty damn fast. (hey, i've learned in psychology, heh heh.) not too long after, mom came in my room. i remember someone petting down my hair and asking did you guys have fun tonight? realizing that i couldn't really speak my answer because i was so far gone already, i nodded my head slowly after grunting a few times. she kissed my cheek and whispered i love you sweetie in my ear. she stayed petting through my hair a little longer and then left. i ended up having a dream that i was younger and we actually had a real christmas where we all got along that night. mom and i didn't fight, all the family was together at aunt mary's...
i found out today that christmas at mary's house is canceled this year. one of my great uncles died, so they're having a wake thursday and graveyard services friday... i never knew him, so my mom isn't going. plus, it's about fifty two miles from st. louis, and she doesn't wanna go all the way there. she was told that if everyone (great grandma's kids) shows up for that, then there's no use to have the get together on saturday. i called and told elsbe that she can still come and do stuff with me and my parents on saturday, because we'll end up going out and doing stuff anyway to make up for it.
i just find that amazingly wrong. i mean, christmas is supposed to be about family and everything, about actually being together. it's the closest thing to yule i'm gonna get since my parents just skim over it, and it's basically the same principles as christmas. this christmas, it's gonna be me and my parents and my aunt.. that's it. maybe saturday me, my parents and elsbe can go out and do stuff, but it won't really be the same. all my uncles won't be there picking on anyone, my great grandma won't be around to get everyone's names mixed up, there won't be any of my aunt's cooking... it's just not really gonna be christmas this year. i dont see why because someone died christmas should be skipped over because of a death. most people would find it all the more reason to celebrate.
since i will probably not get to write tomorrow, i'll end with this:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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