my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i seriously went through the day thinking that i had therapy today. turns out i evidently don't and that it's next week. well that's news to me!
anyway, today was great, except for the choir picture. we had to change into out dresses and stuff, and i went to put on my shoes... there's two or three inches of room in there! not only that, but the strap was too short to buckle them, so i was told by mrs. hegge to walk around on my toes lightly and to try not to get then scuffed. well, turns out that ms. roberson had wanted me to take them off. as soon as the picture was done, i took them off and walked around the school in pantyhose, which was not a fun experience. (i still had on the dress and pants underneath, so don't look at me like that o_o.) i got back to the choir room, and ms. roberson told me that she might not be able to take them back because they got a little scuffed, but that she'll try.
alright kiddies, now onto the good stuff.
basically, as of yesterday i've actually felt that i'm worth something and at least somewhat smart. we got scores back from the MAT 7 state testing yesterday, and i was above average in all things. i was above an adult reading level as well o_o. today, we were told the scores we got on our chemistry test from last week that you had to pass with an A to be able to do labs. i passed with 151/168. the cutoff for an A. i ran into the choir room after chemistry and skidded to a stop in front of elsbe and told her, ending up jumping up and down and practically yelling it. i didn't think that i'd been yelling, but everyone that was in the room so far was staring at me. hehe, it took elsbe kinda pushing down on my shoulders to get me to stop. at lunch, juniors got back their PSAT scores. well, i ended up with a grand total of a 76th percentile. evidently, i beat ass in verbal, i got a 91 percentile there. i believe math was a 48 and writing was a 74. top it all off, i was the only person that i heard about who aced the math test from monday.
oh yeah. landa is a kul lil bizatch todae.
...
please ignore the net lingo just then. i'm in an extremely good mood, which results in hyperactive tendancies.
i dunno, i guess i'm just starting to feel good about things again. it's been such a long time since that's happened, i really have no clue what it's supposed to feel like, but i guess it's something like this. i'm getting confidence in my singing ability (yeah, i can hit those notes now, dammit ^_^,) i'm starting to actually feel good about chemistry and math... i think i'm starting to just get one of those good outlooks on life that i'd never really heard about before. well, i'd heard about it, but i sure as hell hadn't felt it. now all i need to round that out is a significant other, and it's all set up!
...
yeah freakin right.
one thing that i hadn't gotten to say before... i've had some really weird dreams lately. the night before last, i had a dream that involved elsbe using a power drill to attatch a piece of wood to something. last night, all i remember is her running around carrying it and revving it up every now and then. i dunno, i'm thinking secretly she wants a power drill or something, lol. casey seems to think that i secretly want to screw her, or she wants to screw me. why am i not seeing that one as being one of the possibilities for this? yeah, i didn't think so. i mean, yeah, in a totally non-sexual way, i'm drawn to her somehow, but i sure as hell don't want to screw her. i know my boundaries, and she's my best friend for goddess sakes! plus, she's straight... and catholic, which should speak for itself.
i think i might draw her a power drill for christmas.
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