my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
elsbe and i talked for a good long while just now on msn. and she actually brought up a rather good point that has me thinking now.
evidently, today she read a book in aep about hell and all that stuff. well, it scared her shitless. we were talking about how we both need to get boyfriends before she graduates, when i jokingly said jeezbus, i'd even settle for a f**k buddy at this point! she got into how sex before you're married is bad, and i reminded her that i dont want to even get married, so that means that i should die a virgin.
...
yeah right.
anyway, we kept talking, and she told me that she's scared that her friends will end up in hell, after reading that book. well, i explained how i dont really believe in a hell, that everyone goes to one place to wait to be reincarnated. she said just because you dont believe in it doesn't mean that it doesn't make it fake, or nonexistant. i retalliated with the same response for what i believe in, and it was kinda dropped because my mom wanted something. it was brought up again, and she's showing me the book tomorrow so i can see what she's talking about. either way, i'm not sure it will affect my beliefs.
...much.
alright, well, that seriously got me wondering about getting married, and a little bit about the hell thing. she had a point when she said that the bad people have to have someplace to go, but the way i see it and the way i've read and heard, is that, in wicca, everyone goes to the summerland as a transition between bodies, regardless of whether they are good or bad. the soul goes on once the body has stopped, and it just transitions between one body to another. there isn't really an eternal damnation for people who were bad, because they've literally always been that way, there wouldn't be a point. and, really, good and evil exist, but it's really up to the person or creature to decide what it is for itself.
but, what if i'm wrong? what if there ends up being a heaven or a hell? what if i end up going to hell for something that was innocently done? what if there isn't a heaven or a hell or anywhere else..?
i wonder if anyone's ever thought about, for an extended period of time, what if none these beliefs that everyone believes - heaven and hell, summerland, reincarnation, whatever it may be - are true? what if none of them really happen? it's not like anyone can actually tell us or warn us ahead of time, because those who know generally dont return to tell it--...erm, they dont remember it and are able to say it at the time. no one ever really knows anyway, they might just have dreamt it if they do believe they remember it.
*sigh* i dunno what to believe right this minute. all i know right now, is that elsbe's afraid that, if i happen to have a boy/girlfriend and we dont get married and end up having sex, that i'll end up going to "hell." the way i see/hear it, is that it's fine if you know you love someone, if you've been together for a really long time and are positive that you'll be together for a long time, like forever, it's alright. i dont mean that i plan on going out and having meaningless sex with someone, i mean that i want to wait till a time when i know i'm in love to do so. that's always been something that i've told myself that i would do, so i knew that would be the case either way. it's a personal moral that i intend not to break.
but, like i've said before, i dont see the point in having to sign a piece of paper to prove your love to someone. i can understand the exchange of rings and everything, but i dont see why you'd have to sign a piece of paper. if you know you love them, you know you love them. you can go shout it on rooftops and everything, cause at least people will hear about it then. it's not like it does anything more than tell the government that you're with soemone.
i just wish i knew what to tell elsbe. i know she reads this, so maybe she'll get it from this entry, but i dunno. it's pretty hard to follow if you're not in my head, lol. she's really got me to think about this, but i still dunno what to think. i believe in the wiccan explination, but then again, i was christian, and a pretty die-hard one at that, for twelve years of my life. i didn't agree with the belief system of the church then, and i dont now, but i'm wondering.
...
does anyone understand this other than me?
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