my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i really hate my bus for school. it's been slowly coming earlier and earlier all year, and this morning, i stood there for a good fifteen minutes waiting on it. i figured it came earlier, since i was about thirty seconds late leaving the house. so, i turned around and walked back home.
...
this normally wouldn't be that big a deal, but, my parents were both half awake when i got here. and they had a mini-fight over who was going to take me. mom ended up doing so, and said nothing to me all the way there. i got a quick bye as i got out of the truck at the corner of eighth and oakland to walk up to the school since the busses were in line waiting to drop off.
i went through the school day, giving kristen the note i wrote to her about last night, then ending up going to class right after it because i got there so late, finishing the mat sevens, giong to chemistry and actually getting help from schuckman for once... if you have her, you know how miraculous that is. she doesn't teach, she expects you to know. math went good enough, then there was the bus ride home, which was loud and involved me talking about being bi, yet again.
is it just me, or is that the new topic of conversation with a lot of people i talk to? no one really has a problem with it, they just seem to want to discuss it a lot.
i get home, no one is upstairs. well, no one is out of bed upstairs. mom and dad are still in bed, and i walk back in here to play pool or something. eventually, mom got up and told me that my bus stop time is supposed to be about seven ten or seven fifteen, but he was hung up in traffic from an accident this morning. it ended up about twenty to twenty five minutes late, not early.
that was it. no other conversation.
...
i'm really not liking this silent treatment i'm recieving from my parents. it's like they're blaming me for something that practically seems to be a part of me, and feels like something i can't really change. i mean, yes, i can attempt to pretend that this little revelation never happened in my mind, and that i never discovered that i'm bisexual, and i can give up my religion (at least in their eyes), but i would be lying to myself and everyone else. wicca and bisexuality are part of the way i am, just like music, poems and other forms of writing. if you take it away, there is a big part of me that's not there anymore. and i'm sure that they dont want a child who has holes in her nature, in her personality. i know personality gaps aren't a good thing, i've seen them after a few years in people.
i just want them to say something...
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.