my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
yes, last night, i finally slept. still up about thirty minutes earlier, but i slept for eight hours. add in the prozac, and i was one hyper s.o.b. on the bus. i actually had a very loud and bouisterous conversation with the underclassmen cheerleaders involving big bootie/fat ass and various other obscene explicatives.
i was in an extremely good mood...and it took about two minutes to kill.
when i got to school, i went outside to talk to everyone since i actually felt good for once. i told everyone that i am "normal" and no longer in therapy and al, but no one commented. not even a smart ass remark about it. nothing.
at that, i picked up my stuff and walked over to the door to the old gym. i yelled you guys are bastards! you never listen! of course, mr. bufton was giong by and told me watch your language! very loudly. after he walked off, josh hull started laughing at me, so i yelled shut up josh! and sat down in front of the door with the spiderman soundtrack on volume level ten. after a bit, i just went over to the steps, threw my bookbag against the cement wall, and sat on top of the wall just staring into the space ahead of me, wondering if anyone had cared that i was over there. i just sat there thinking for a while, and listened to my cd.
casey and megan both came over and asked me what was up, and i told them that i'm tired of all those little fucknuts not listening or caring about anything that i have to say, so i wasn't going to put up with it. i told them what i had yelled when i got outside about not needing therapy anymore, and they said that they were all just stupid if they wont listen anyway. they both went back over there though, given that meg had a boyfriend over there and casey is always over there anyway.
eventually, bobbie came over, and kristen was behind her (she jad just got there). she told me that she brought someone over for me, then kristen sat on the step in front of me. i told her what was going on, and by that time, i felt the tears, but i refused to let them out. elsbeth came over, and we all sat there talking till the five minute bell rang.
...
i guess sometimes it takes being left out and ignored to find out who your real friends are, huh? everyone else in the group had truely pissed me off before, and none of them had done anything about it. they didn't care, they seemed to like it almost. but, i guess i learned this morning who my friends are, and who i'd be able to go to, should i need it.
7:50 pm
i know, i just changed the layout a while back, but this was really a continuation of the last one. in the next couple weeks, i plan on making a new layout because of the things that have happened recently in life. things have changed a lot in the last couple weeks, and i feel that i should make a whole new layout because of it. it might have the same table style, i dunno yet, but it wont have camoflauge. it's taking a lot for me to change it, since i love this layout so much, but i feel that if i seem to enter a new stage in my life, i should make a layout that goes with it. so, here in the next couple of weeks, it will be here.
times have changed, and so will i.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.