my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
all day, i've been sniffling because my nose is runny. now, i'm fighting tears.
i just got back from lunch a few minutes ago, coming up the stairs very slowly, by myself. for the first time this year, i wasn't talking with kristen and elsbeth. it felt almost unreal going up the stairs so silently. usually, there's discussion of some kind, but today, nothing.
we were all outside at the lunch table when it was just about time to go. kristen had somewhat had an attitude with me all day, so i knew something was up.
you know, we really should take a break, cause i think we've been too close or something.
that's when i took my ice cream carton that casey and i had been sharing and just went ahead and left a minute or two early. i walked a little quicker until i got in the building so that no one saw my tears, if they were to come out, and slowly ascended the stairs to my second floor fifth hour.
upon entering the room, mrs.schuckman passed back some homework and our conversion quizzes and told us to figure out our grades. i came out with a fifty three percent. an F. everyone around me bragged about their A's and B's, while i sulked about my F. no one cared.
look, just because i got a good grade and you didn't doesn't mean that i care about yours.
that hurt so much.
so now, i'm sitting here sniffling from holding back my tears, and ignoring what is being done in class. i now know the truth about how a lot of people think of me, and for now, i've got one less person to turn to, and probably no hugs for at least a week.
someone explain this to me. someone tell me why everyone is ganging up on me at once. someone tell me why i find it hard to live and breathe right now...
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.