my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i am so tired of not sleeping. for the third or fourth night in a row, i woke up wide awake after about five hours of sleep, although i forced myself to at least lay there for another three. i think i dozed off for a little bit in there, but not for long.
i really can't stand this anymore, and it's been barely a week on this stupid stuff. i've been wired during the day, not really sleeping at night, hard to talk to, fidgety, and extremely tired by the end of the day, but i can't sleep at night..so this is hell.
maybe i need to get out and do stuff during the day, but mom and dad wont take me. that, and the fact that there's no one else to go with confines me to this house, and generally, this room, because i dont want to put up with my mother. a reason for that is some stuff that happened last night that i would rather not get into again. i might explain it later, i might not, i dunno. you'll just have to stick around and find out now, won't you?
yesterday when i was talking to blaze, she all but pushed me in the direction to get with sai. what the hell? she says that i can give her more than she ever could, and that she's leaving soon anyway. if i were with her, she thinks that she'd be able to vamoose easier. yeah right, and my name's ozzy.
number one, there has yet to be any kasai input from all this. i dont even know if she likes me like that, and she probably doesn't. blaze is telling me i should do it, lisa and ashley told me in the same day to go for it..i've never gone for anyone before! let alone my best friend! there was one time when i attempted to, but he ended up a jerk-off. hence why i said that i wasn't going to do anything about all this. if she wants anything to happen she can let me know. end of story.
i dunno, i'm so confused right now..and tired..i just wish something could happen to make everything be okay, for things to go one way or the other, and just solve everything that's going on right now. and why do i not see something like that happening?
there are two weeks left until school (supposedly) starts. maybe when i get my stuff in the mail telling me my classes, telling me when to get my yearbook, just..telling me that i need to get ready for this next year, evertyhing will come together in my mind. i've wanted to go back to school ever since they kicked us out on the last day. well..ever since i had to leave early on the last day. sometimes, things just make sense at the beginning of a new school year. i want that to happen again..soon.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.