my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i realised when i got the mail today that this will more than likely be the first year in my life that i dont recieve a card from my great grandmother.
not only is she going senile and doesn't remember who i am most of hte time, but they have her in a home where she wouldn't exactly be able to get to any paper or cards. she's out on most holidays, but that's about it. she can't drive, she can barely walk, and she has real bad artheritis, which means she can't write well.
most people think that i wouldn't care much about a card that i routinely get once a year, but i do. last year, she wrote about how she remembered grandpa wilegus' face when he saw me the first time and held me (he died three years ago). she remembered the day i was born and what all had happened that day. it seems that great grandpa and i were in the same hospital or something, because he saw me that day. he'd been sick and great grandma decided that he needed to see me. she said that he just lit up when he held me, that i might have helped him get better.
i haven't seen grandma since christmas, and then, she thought that i was my aunt connie. and we all know how i was at the family thing for christmas already. i wasn't a happy camper that day. and the sad thing is, i had another opportunity to go out there in may, but i refused because i had "other things to do" which consisted of fifteen minutes of homework, a little bit of laundry, and a lot of talking online and on the phone.
is it just me, or is that a triffle bit selfish?
the woman is about ninety six now. that might have been the last time that i ever got to see her, and i refused to go. even though she doesn't know who i am anymore, it would still make sense for me to go. a lot of my friends wish that they could have met their great grandparents, or just their grandparents for that matter, and i haven't exactly taken into consideration the ones that i have left.
i never met my grandpa edwards or my great grandpa edwards. i didn't see my grandpa daniels till i was a few months old, mom didn't tell dad's side of the family that i was alive till then. heh, he was the one i grew attached to...
so for the most part, all that i've known in my life are grandmothers. all that i have left now are grandmothers. five of them actualy, two great, one step, two regular. and the ones that i actually see from time to time are..well..one that i see is grandma edwards.
maybe i should spend a little more time with family...
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.