my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
mornin.
we all know how i can't sleep through the night most of the time, and if you dont, you do now. i generally wake up at least four times and have to get back to sleep. it sucks and a lot of the time, it's really hard for me to do, cause even though i've had to do so all my life, i dont like sleeping alone. i dunno, it's just one of those things that you grow to not like or something. i guess i feel more secure and maybe safe if someone else is in the room.
at one point last night, i woke up and my pillow was on the floor on the other side of my bed. my hand was out like i was reaching for someone, more than likely from the dream i had been having, and i was laying sort of like how someone would lay their head on someone's chest or tummy, just to listen to them breathe. and i realised how much i wished someone would let me do that. not necessarily a friend, mind you, but someone.
sometimes, i look at my friends who have had a boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time, and think to myself "jeez, doesn't it get old after a while, always being around each other and hanging off each other?" yet other times, i long for that. to be in someone's arms and feel safe because you know they're there. to reach out for someone you love and have someone take your hand. to lay there and listen to someone's breathing...
then i remind myself, all these guys that i know think of me as a little sister, or as one of them. and, for the most part, they're all taken.
even so, a part of me still holds out that someone will be there one night when i need to just be around someone who makes me feel safe whenever i'm with them by just being there.
i'm not saying that my friends dont do that, because a few of them do. but *sigh*, can you blame me for wishing somtimes?
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.