my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i just realised a little bit ago (again) that it's a month until my birthday. it doesn't seem like that long ago when i had my fifteenth birthday party. yes, it wasn't a great party, but it was a party nonetheless. i still remember it like it was yesterday. *sigh* i dont want to be sixteen yet. more responsibilities, more than likely, more things that my parents expect me to do, closer to being an adult...
yes, i really want to leave this house.
no, i dont want to be an adult.
that's my problem. i dont want to grow up. sounds funny coming from me, given that i had to grow up a long time ago. but, it's true. when youre an adult, and you do a lot of the things that i do now, you're seen as immature or more than likely useless. i dont have a job yet, and about all i do is sit here and talk to friends all day..if they're online. and lots of the things we talk about are somewhat...how shall i say...irregular. granted that there are a few who i can have real conversations with, quite a lot of them dont go much further than sick jokes and comments. there's where the immaturity comes in.
i want to be able to leave this city, to live somewhere on my own...but i dont want to be old enough to do so. does that make sense to anyone else?
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.