my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
note: people who have read or seen harry potter and the sorcerer's stone will understand this first part. if you haven't, read it or something so you get it, dammit!
the mirror of erised. a window to all your wants, all that you really think you need in life. something that would really come in handy in real life for all the people who dont know what they really want.
i really think that i need to find one of those things. there are two things in life that i know i want. one, to see lisa, either her here or me in new york. two, to become a singer/songwriter of some kind, more than likely something like alternative or a lighter version of rock. i noticed whenever mom would listen to country music this weekend that it has evolved, yet again. it sounds more like the old stuff, at least the guys do, and i didn't hear the girls too much, so i know that i'm more than likely not going that route anymore...
do you know what it's like to go through life not totally sure what you want? most people have some idea, stuff other than big things or life changing events. they know that they want to get married, to have kids, to have that frigging dog in the yard that most people dream of. they know what they want to do with their lives right now, not just in the future. they know what they want in their lives in the near future. they know what they want to do tomorrow. i...well...i'm drifting in space somewhere, watching it all happen. i watch the decisions of people i love and learn from them so that i get an idea of what to do. i learn from other's experience and not my own most of the time. sure, yes, in the past i've learned from myself, but that doesn't seem to happen too much anymore. nothing is really happening in my life. people are leaving for the summer.
kristen just got back then went to ku today. by the way, she woke me up at noon wiht a phone call, hehe. i was real happy to hear from her, and real glad to hear her voice and not a telemarketers. megan's going to kentucky soon. christina's going to glacier national park in a couple days. sasha imed me tonight and told me that she was leaving for a few weeks. lisa's going to be going to camp when she gets out of school, and on a vacation at some point. i do believe kathy said something about going to vegas sometime.
see what i mean, everyone's planning and doing this summer, except for me. everyone knows what they want and what they're doing, but me. well, i know what i'm doing...i'm staying home, wishing i was with someone else, and typing on here all day because my parents wont buy a new bike tire, but that's beside the point. that's not what i want to do all summer.
i wanted to get a job, but that's been nixed. i wanted to go to new york, but that was REALLY nixed. that worlds of fun birthday party isn't happening. the trip to colorado that my parents had been planning died. going out and having fun with kristen was cut out of the picture. we all know that i'm too shy to talk to any guys that i see, so the whole boyfriend thing isn't happening. i totally can't figure out this whole sexuality thing for sure, the only thing i'm able to come up with is "straight with not-so-straight tendencies".
the only thing that i want and that is anywhere near happening in the relative near future is kasai coming to kansas city sometime and saying hi and everything. she and christina have become close online friends, hehe, and it just happens that kasai's grandma lives about a mile, mile and a half from my old house. and she knows the area where i live now. so, yeah, that is a definate thing sometime this summer.
mom: "you couldn't still be writing an entry"
heh, i am. or at least i was. i'll write the other thing i needed to write about tomorrow i guess *sigh*. least i got the thing that was on my mind right now out. g'night ya'll.
by the way, hope you like the new layout, for those of you who never looked at the preview. give me feedback on it, dammit, cause i want the TRUTH this time, dont just tell me you like it to make me feel better...cause it obviously wasn't the best before.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.