my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
like i expected, i was up late last night, but i ended up not finishing that poetry project. at about midnight-thirty last night, i fell asleep on my work. sometime in the night, i remember getting up and falling into my bed fully clothed. i got under six hours of sleep, which added to all my stress.
so, i woke up not so happy to begin with. got mom up to take me to school since kathy wasn't goin today, and i got to school. i set off to work as soon as i got outside, and still didn't get done. by the eight o'clock bell, i got frustrated and packed up all my stuff. i got out of the corner and over to the picnic table and started crying a little, but not by much. kristen was sitting next to me and said it'd be alright. *sigh* i needed to hear that from someone i trust right about then.
so, the bell rings for school to start, and i go to first hour. i asked if i looked like i cried, and was told that i looked stoned or that i'd cried, heh. kristy asked what was wrong, so i told her everything that'd happened in the last twenty four hours, and it ended up in her saying "you look like you need a hug" and me crying on her shoulder for a couple minutes. prier came in, and i got an extension to after school to get my poem journal done, which the highest i can get is a B cause there's only 25 out of the 30 poems in it.
school went alright today. in choir, we practiced a lot on "on my own" which is my favorite song this year, hehe. i got the part already, go me! but, i had to call mom from kristen's cell phone after school and tell her i was staying after. right at four, i got the journal done and caught the bus.
got home, and lisa had left me a few offline messages. she was worried because i ended up being home over an hour later than usual. she's got some serious fears right now, and me being late didn't help it any.
alright, lisa and i talked about this for a couple minutes, and i wanna say it in here too. everyone, i know that i need help...the professional kind. but, there's two factors that play into that. one, i know that we dont have the money to pay for something like that. heh, we dont have the money to pay for a hair cut. number two, my dad doesn't believe in it. he thinks that everyone can get over anything they want to on their own with no help whatsoever. mom is all for it, but dad wouldn't let me if i tried. it's been brought up, but i was told to "suck it up and do it on my own". i've sucked it up, and tried to do it on my own. i'm sorry, but i dont think that'll happen in this lifetime.
i've gotta go for the night. so, love ya'll, bye.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.