my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
jeez, for once, i was really hyper and happy last night. it was really weird.
kristen had called so we could do this history worksheet together cause, hey, that's what we always do. well, first off, we talked about her mom again. *sigh* i dunno if i'm ever going to be able to do anything outside of school with her again. but, she started acting...um..not normal. she doesn't believe in the whole hy[er thing, especially cause she didn't have anything with sugar in it. so, we blamed it on lil' smokies, the barbque sauce did it!
anyway, we gave up on actually doing work, and i went outside cause i was tired of laying around my room. i sat on the bed of dad's truck, and things started to get a lil more...shall we say interesting. dad came out to mow the lawn, i'm laughing all the way to the house, and i come in, mom's on her cell phone. so, that means back yard. went out there, jumped off the walls cause scooter was chasing me, and i sat on the tree stump. i dont think before last night i'd heard her that happy in a while, hehe, but it was fun. lots of talking in british accents. we were on the phone a few minutes late, and no one noticed cause my folks were both in the front yard, mom without her watch.
so, came back in and i honestly forget what i did when i got back inside. hm..that's kinda sad. well, eventually, lisa got back on, and i was still hyper as ever. christina had a bad day, so i was listening to my moulin rouge cd and was about to type out the elephant love medley, see if it'd make her feel any better. well, lisa and i got on cam and talk and all that, and i just kinda started singing it, acting totally stupid. omehgoodness, i haven't done that with anyone listening before! i have come to the conclusion that it was never meant to be a one person song, lol. but, it seemed to cheer lisa up, so i kept going when i got kinda confused in the middle.
*tip: never sing any song containing the line "we should be lovers" to someone whom you consider family, it's just not right.*
most of the rest of the time we were talking, i was stil hyper as hell and acting stupid to make her laugh. well, it came time to go. it was about nine, so i was about to get off already, when her mom caught her online. and i heard her yell the three words that lisa and i hate: "NO COMPUTER TOMORROW!" *sigh* she has a track meet tomorrow, and i know her, she's going to need to talk to someone. so, for about fifteen to twenty more minutes, we said goodbyes. i think i made her feel better some...but that isn't going to happen tonight. i watched her cry, sitting here feeling helpless because i couldn't be right there. now i know how she feels when my mom takes away the happiness that she'd helped to build up inside me. it took a bit to get her that happy, and about five seconds for her mom to efficiently kill it. to watch her go from happy, smiling, laughing to crying, sobbing, dying inside...i hope that you never have to go through that with someone so far away, it tears you up inside.
i've gotta go so i can get ready for school. and yes, i moved some things around yesterday. the notify list is no longer cause only one person was on it and i never update it, so it's turned into my comment box. i just fixed the kinks so that the stuff in there actually works too. and be sure to go fill out my slambook when you have the time! i'll try to write more later, bye ya'll.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.