my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i dont have too much time to write tonight, given that i'm writing late as it is. but, one of the more important things is going to come across...
as you all know, lisa was grounded from the computer today. but, as always, she snuck on and talked for a while. the second time, she told me about some things that had been talked about at her school today. weight was an issue. she told some friends about me...something along the lines of "she eats people" was said about me. before hand, lisa had felt really warm. after she told me that, she said it went away. but, when i concentrated on her, (not like that you little perv) it came back. then i told her how that isn't even a fraction of what was said about me or done to me before i knew her. the warmth went away again. she can't even fathom what had been done to me before...to me, it seems weird that she can't imagine it, to her, it's weird that i can because i was put through it.
anyway, later on after talking about other things, she said she could really feel me there tonight. i tried thinking about hugging her, and she felt it, hehe. i'm evidently getting good at that, just not necessarily at recieving it. but:
landa: *hears a familiar song in a movie mom's watching*
lisa: oic
landa: the movie return to me?
lisa: *cuddles up*
lisa: oic
landa: JEWEL!
lisa: lol
landa: angel standing by
landa:
lisa: oic
lisa: *hug*
landa: *hug*
lisa: ur my angel standing by
landa: *has moulin rouge in her head agian all of a sudden*
landa: *melted...officially*
lisa: lol
landa: *moreso than ever before i think...ôo*
lisa: awwwwww....
lisa: *snuggles*
landa: *snuggles*
lisa: ur so beautiful and cute sis
landa: you are too sweetie
lisa: heh.. thanx sis
landa: *ok, these tears are getting really annoying...*
lisa: aw sis....
lisa: why are ya crying?
landa: i dont know..seriously...
lisa: *big snuggle hug*
landa: *big snuggle hug*
lisa: people shouldnt hurt u sweetheart...
lisa: ur too kind and beautiful of a person....
lisa: *sees her sis's eyes are wet..*
landa: *stronger feeling than she gets with the i love yous from ppl*
lisa: aw..
lisa: *wipes away tears*
landa: none have made it out yet..
lisa: oic
lisa: u dont want them treating u like that anymore too right...?
landa: *nods*
lisa: *hug*
landa: *hug*
lisa: itll stop someday sis.....
lisa: someday theyll all grow up and realize what a beautiful person u are
lisa: *could almost hear 'i love you sis'*
lisa: heh....
landa: *was thinking that*
lisa:
lisa: aw
lisa: *big snuggle hug*
landa: *big snuggle hug*
landa: dude...
landa: these tears keep feeling closer and closer to coming out...but they wont...
lisa: hm
lisa: *wyws wide*
lisa: *eyes
landa: hm?
lisa: thats gifted..
lisa: just like u
landa: its almost like the more nice stuff i hear, the more i wanna cry...i dunno...
landa: aw..
lisa: do u want me to stop..?
landa: nope
lisa: k
landa: *wonders if you hear her tlaking to you*
lisa: what were u saying?
landa: i'll always love you sweetie, dont forget that..
lisa: :D
lisa: ;)
that kept on going on for a while. it was cool, hehe. right before she had to go, i could actually get some of what she was saying.
yes, some of you are probably thinking "ok, she's nuts." well, those who know me know the answer to that already, and it's not a negative one. but, these things aren't my insanity coming into play. some things, you just know are true and all, and this is one of them for me. i'll leave you guys with a song tonight. goodnight ya'll, and i'll try to write when i get home from hassig's party tomorrow. if not, then i more than likely can't. i have to do drawings for my english project (tell me how that makes any sense.)
jewel - angels standing by
all through the night i'll be standing over you
all through the night i'll be watching over you
and through bad dreams, i'll be right there, baby
holding your hand, telling you everything is alright
and when you cry, i'll be right there
telling you you were never anything less than beautiful.
so dont worry
i'm your angel standing by.
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