my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i had this really weird and scary series of dreams last night. i kept waking up making sure i was alright, cause it all felt so real...
alright, first dream. it was when we were all walking to the library yesterday. we were crossing four lanes of traffic, and the dont walk light started flashing. suddenly, i heard kristen yell my name, and i turned to see a car coming at me. next thing i know, i'm laying in the intersection, kristen's there with me, crying, and i have no idea what happened, but i felt pain everywhere, i saw blood, i REALLY felt the pain. it hurt when she hugged me...
i woke up from that one and patted myself down, making sure i was alright. nothing was broken or bruised or anything, but i was sweating. i rolled over and tried to fall asleep again. when i did fall asleep, it continued.
they took me out of an ambulance, and into the hospital. they put me out for some reason, and i "woke up" in a room sitting up in a bed. one of the first people i saw was kristen and i asked her what happened, cause i didn't remember. she told me everything. someone was speeding down the road and went through the red light and didn't stop. i saw tears in her eyes and attempted to give her a hug, but it hurt too much. my parents never showed up in this dream. but, they let me call lisa from a phone in the room, saying not to worry about the cost. i told her what kristen had told me and i heard a *thump* as her phone hit the floor. when she picked it back up, she said she'd be right there, that she was going to make it out here.
again, i wake up in this place. i was actually sleeping on my back when i woke up which is completely unusual for me. i checked to make sure i was alright again, and i tried sleep again. it took about thirty minutes, but i got back to sleep. and yet again, it continues.
i have no idea how much later on this was, but i was on crutches going to super target (i think) with sasha for some reason. i turn around and look behind me, there's lisa...she was helping me get around, heh. i honestly have no idea why we were at target, but i remember walking around in there a while, and seeing kristen. something had happened to ashley. something that she didn't really want to tell me. sasha found lisa and i again about the same time kristen told me...ashley was gone...she just disappeared, and no one knew where she was, including tury.
that's when i woke up the last time. i gave up and got out of bed, got dressed, and came back here. i was hoping to find something to do to get my mind off it, which explains the last entry. lisa got on, and i told her some of this dream...her flashback from thursday, which had just gone away, came back. she tried to get me to calm down...she said she's never seen me like that before "scared and beyond broken".
well, this is coming to an end, so, bye ya'll.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.