my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
cancer (june 21-july 22)
you may have a strong urge to simply escape from your current situation, dear cancer. the need to travel is quite powerful, and you will find that great clarity of mind comes when you can step out of your current domain and expand your horizons to places far beyond. just make sure you aren't running away from something, and using your plans to travel as an excuse to simply flee the scene out of fear and anger. these are emotions that need to be dealt with now.
if only things were that easy...
heh, i finally finished the drawing part of my art project...out of frustration and trying not to cry when i got to sixth hour. i worked harder and faster than i have in a long time, and got the drawing and tracing onto the metal done. lemme explain why.
today was the annual senior auction. seniors and some faculty are sold to students and can be your "slave for a day", and are to do whatever you want them to do. kristen, katrina and i ended up meeting and going down together. in front of us, megan, tristan, and eventually jessica. next to us, casey and aaron. they were all talking about buying somebody, and they all DID end up getting someone, with kristen's help of $11. (well, aaron and alvaro went in on their own, but that's another story.) in the middle, there was this bug on the floor that tristan started playing with. it was one of those bugs that you can flip onit's back, and it'll flip itself back over mid-air. he played with it a while, then gave it it's freedom, and it roamed around the back. this little bug is going to have a big story...
the last "block" was sold, and we were all heading out. everyone but katrina and i were on the floor (gym) paying for who they bought, so we were going out on our own. we ended up getting in front of all the preps. (aka, most of the people who are ashley's friends. she and tury were already gone by this time.) evidently, they found that bug. walking out, they put it on my shoulder and yelled that i had a bug on me and all screamed and ran away and backed up and all. i took it off my shoulder and put it out the nearby window. then i turned around and said to them (still squirming and giggling) "listen here, that wouldn't be that big a deal, if YOU hadn't put it there, cause i know it wasn't anywhere NEAR me at the end of that stupid auction. number two. why the fuck would you do something like that anyway?! that was stupid!" i stormed off around them cause the group wasn't moving any faster, and everyone was too dumb to go around to get to the door, i guess.
i got out, got back on third floor and got my stuff from my aep. well, savanah has that classroom for sixth hour and was already there and wanted to know what was wrong. i didn't feel like saying it, so i told her i'd tell her after school and walked off for art. once i had hit the door coming out of aep though, i was about to cry. i speed walked through the school, getting looks from just about everyone i passed. people asked what was wrong, but i wasn't about to stop and tell them...i know sumner, shit spreads. especially when the preps did it, they'll tell everyone.
so, when i got into sixth hour, i got a stool and sat in the corner and finished my drawing. that's that.
at lunch, i found a foam cup. i was kinda acting off being pissed off by this time, so i did something stupid. i started saying i'd eat if for $5, but no one had that. i brought it down to two, no one. then i decorated it, and asked people "would you like to donate to the too poor for dirt fund?" i made over $5 today. i'm going to carry that thing around next week and see how much i can get, heh...it's probably going to turn into a new york fund.
believe it or not, that's not all.
8th hour went as usual. at the end, kristen ashley and i needed to go to the meeting about tomorrow so we could get our jobs (youth service day). we get down there, sign up, all that stuff. kristen and i started talking about what's happening afterwards tomorrow. she's going to end up staying at her grandma's in BONNER where her uncle *long, bad story* and her mom had immediately said no to the easier option of her coming over here. that's happened a lot whenever it's asked if she can come here recently...
alright, you guys who know me well already know about all this. a LOT of my friendships have ended up dying because the person's mother doesn't like either me or my mom for basically no damn reason. lonna's mom ended up hating me and told me not to call anymore. brandi's parents blocked my number for no reason one day. danielle's figured that i "didn't have the kind of potential that they wanted her daughter around". all three were "best friends forever." all three just gave up...
i'm just scared that i'm losing kristen. plain and simple. nothing has happened between us to result in something like that...only thing is that her mother won't let us do anything together. the only time we can see each other is at school. she talks to me too long on the phone, she gets yelled at to go do dishes or something. we came to the conclusion today that it's because i'm not bobbie or megan. i'm not someone that she's known since forever. her mom and my mom aren't friends. that's all it is to it. goddammit, i wish i could do stuff with her. i just want to know one thing. what the hell is it that parents doint like about me? if not that, then why do they punish their children by not letting them be friends with people just because they dont like their friends parents? someone please fucking explain that, cause i have no idea...
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.