my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
something brought up today. it was third hour talking to kristen and bobbie, and it kinda came up. totally forget how, but it did.
we got into a conversation about wanting and not wanting to get married. well, i've never seen myself as wanting to get married...ever. i dont want the dress, i dont want the flowers, i dont want the cake, i dont want the guests, i dont want the whole darn thing. its just something that i've never really in my life wanted to do.
something else about it, i've never seen why you'd need to sign a piece of paper to prove your love to someone. i mean, the rings i can see. the vows i can see. the piece of paper that you have to get as proof that you did this all...i dont see. then the whole church thing. we all know landa, she'll straight up refuse to get married in a church, but there's very few ways to do it without including it in some way. i mean, generally, a preacher/pastor/minister marries people. even still, a justice of the peace would have something to do with it and all that. landa does as little as possible to do with church.
i can see loving someone forever. i can see living with someone. exchanging vows and rings can be done on your own...that's all that matters. that the two of you know that there's that special bond between you. that a special someone is out there, whether there be proof or not. you dont have to get married to be in life-long love.
see, that's the thing with me. i dream of living in a studio apartment, maybe with someone else, and just on my own for the most part. i mean, talking ot friends and stuff like that. i'll never leave them. but, i just dont see myself as the marrying type, i guess. i wasn't one of those girls who went through all the stages. no princess, wedding, any of that...the stuff my friends went through and have told me about. never even thought about it.
i was always the loner, heh, it's just my nature i guess. i've always felt more comfortable either alone, or with one or two close friends. another thing that's "weird" about me. i dont know why, it's just always been that way. people think that cause i sit alone or dont join the group that i'm sad or mad or miserable or something. i'm actually just fine the way i am. not ALWAYS, but 75% of the time, i'm just fine on my own. it's just not me to be in a large group of people and trying to fit in and all that. i've never done that.
ok, gotta cut this off, i'm getting yelled at. i'm going to probably spill the beans about that secret thing tomorrow, so be prepared! bye ya'll.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.