my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
happy over abundance of boiled eggs day to everyone! i'm currently in the middle of sugar rush three for today...you guys should see me tomorrow at school. this is going to get interesting...i still have that huge chocolate bunny left, mua ha ha.
lisa and i talked a while this morning when i got up. she told me that she got some stuff for easter, and said something about "i got some cds!" and i said "i got a bunny with ears 2-3 times the size of its body!" cause all i got this easter was candy from my parents...and that was on friday. lisa thought that i was being sarcastic or something and didn't want to tell me everything she got cause she thought i felt bad. well, i'm telling EVERYONE right now...it really doesn't matter to me if you get more or better things. i'm not really too huge on posessions to begin with, and if you wanna tell me what you got, go right on ahead. just because i dont have or can't get it, doesn't mean that i'll be sad cause i can't. i KNOW that we dont really have that much money right now, so i understand that i'm not getting much. and i'm fine with that. so dont be afraid to tell me something new that you got or what someone gave you, cause i'll be alright with it.
heh, i was officially melted today, hehe. lisa got on again later on and said "hows the best sis in the whole world?" heh, i was mush. some people just have a way of being able to do that to me, hehe. tis a select few, but tis a great few. shoot, just getting an "i love you (sis)" out of some people does it, hehe. maybe i'm just getting extremely soft or something, lol, but i haven't always been this way. i dunno, recently, i've just been a lot different than i used to be. things have been making me feel great, and others that didn't used to bug me at all are depressing me. like, if i dont hear that "i love you," i get all sad and everything. before this school year, i'd never heard it at all from a friend. and now i feel all good if i hear that someone else had a good day, even if i had a shitty one. did i used to be a cast-iron heartless bitch or something?
people find it amazing that i pay attention to them al the time, i've found that out lately. why? i mean, i get pissed if someone just straight up doesn't listen to me, so why would i do it to someone else? every time someone says "youre not paying attention to me" or "you never pay attention," i really everything that they just said, and i see someone who is totally stunned looking back at me when i'm done. is it that no one ever really listens to anyone else? am i one of few who listen to everyone all the time? i know of at least one person who says that i'm the only person who treats them the way that i do, which is sad. to me, that says that people need help. that tells me that this person is used to having people not care all the time and not listen or help out or anything. that scares me, that some people can go through their whole lives without having someone be there for them in those ways. it's just wrong, to me, for someone to have to drift through life alone like that.
as you can see, the sugar rush is getting me mellow now, that's what happens. i get to where i could run around the whole entire house, jumping over the fence both ways, to where i'm extremely mellow and sometimes philosophical. heh, this entry's taken over an hour cause i've been in and out of chats and IMs, which i took my excess energy out on, lol. so now i'm sitting around, waiting to see if anyone else is going to sign on tonight before i have to get off. and i'm thinking to myself "wonder if lisa got to watch coyote ugly tonight." hell of a thought, huh?
well guyses and girlies, i'm gonna stop rambling for tonight. love you guys, bye ya'll.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.