my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
today consisted of the usual getting ignored during school. i was hoping that today i could be happy for lisa, i mean it's her 15th birthday and all, and i didn't want to make her sad. but, something happened today that kinda got to me, other than the usual being ignored. two somethings to be exact.
at lunch, i went over and sat with everyone at the picnic table. well, in under five minutes, everyone left at the same time. they left me alone at the table. carol came out and talked for a little while, then she had to go back to class. everyone else out there ignored me as i got on the table and yelled. i YELLED and no one turned around. what do i have to do??
after lunch, mrs. whitney decided that she was going to grade the tests that we took before. so, that left us with time to talk and all that. i went over and started talking to alvaro, savanah and shawn since i'm stuck in a corner in that class. so, i go over there and start talking to them, and mrs. whitney told me to go back to my corner. everyone else had been allowed to move, but she tells me to go back to my seat in the corner where i am alone. what the hell is that supposed to tell me there?
7th hour, we went to the church to practice for tomorrow. i ended up helping to move the piano around and all that, and i was feeling bad up in my shoulders to begin with. ended up straining them helping to pick it up and move it. then she wanted me to help carry it back afterwards, and i told her that my shoulders were shot, and she said i could ride the bus back to the school. but, that's after the damage was already done. back hurt, shoulders sore, and knee screwed. no one ever really believes me when i say that something hurts. i don't exactly show it like everyone else does, most of the time i just keep in big pains like that. so, when i actually say i'm in pain, no one believes me, hence the bad nasty looks i got from people i told that i was in pain.
i'm gonna cut this off now, cause this is really just a bitching entry now that i think about it. i'll write more/better tomorrow. heh, got a poem or two to ad from class today. bye ya'll.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.