my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
just got home from ashley's party...which i had to leave about an hour and a half early, i was there less than an hour. her mom had invited my parents, which meant they were sitting tehre watching as i was left out for the first part of the time i was there. we really surprised ashley when she walked in though, hehe. when i got there *before she did cause it was a surprise party* everyone was asking me if i was okay since i hadn't been at school all week, then they proceeded in ignoring me. they were all sitting at a table, and i was told to sit there, but they slowly pushed me out.
angel came over and told us all to stand up and go towards the door cause she was finally on her way there. she came thru the door and smiled, then started walking back, hehe, it was great. then she came over and started hugging people. everyone kinda broke up and went back to sitting down, so i went back to my spot. she looked over from where she was and saw me alone, then came over and talked to me for a little bit. then they said that people could start eating and everything, so i went over and got in line. everyone pushed in front of me like i wasn't there. when i did get some, i went back to the table...someone had taken my seat. so, i turned around and ate at the table behind that one, which was empty. ashers turned around for a sec, saw me, and tury took my palte and put it at their table as ashers told me "youre not eating alone chick." so i got to sit by my sis for a little while.
they actually got people dancing after that though. at first,everyone was just standing there talking and all that, then people actually started dancing, which pushed me away even more. so i stood at the side looking in...the way i always have when it comes to hanging out with ashley and her friends.
but, just as i started fitting in and having fun for a while, my parents decided it was time to go...at 9:30...it wasn't over till 11:00. so, i had to say bye to all the people that i had JUST started talking to, got a hug from brandon as i started to leave *hehe*, and try to sneak out cause ashers and tury were having their slow dance. she spotted me and broke away from him. *hehe, i feel special now* she gave me a hug as i said "they're forcing me to leave already" and she told me she'd call me tomorrow. and that was it. that's all i got to stay for. didn't get to even see her cut her cake or open presents or anything cause my parents thought that i wasn't having fun.
we got to the truck and i gave the silent treatment. they thought that i wasn't having fun or anything at all. as SOON as i start to open up and everything with these people that i usually never speak to, they drag me away. i went to that party cause i love my sister, that was the only thing that didn't keep me at home. ask lisa, i was talking to her about it before i left. i was all worried that i wouldn't fit in or anything at all, and as soon as i do, my parents drag me away. they've done this to me my whole life. i start having fun with something, they drag me out of it.
my mom's starting to do that with my singing now too. there were auditions for a city girls choir, and i got a flyer from mrs. roberson about it. i brought it home, showed it to mom, and she didn't say a word. then i asked her about it, and she said no way. i asked her why, she said cause music won't make me any money in the future. the woman has heard me sing, and from what everyone says, i'm good, great even. and she doesn't let me even audition for the city choir.
i'm gonna go now. and sorry about all the changes again, i was told there were scroll bars and all that which i couldn't see. so, i had to get someone who could see it to fix it for me. hope you like the changes. i gotta do something about the bottom tomorrow, but that's it, it'll be finished. g'nite ya'll.
LITTLE BIT LATER
due to lack of time, i have to copy/paste what i was going to add from a conversation. here goes:
Yearwood319: and i kinda gotta go, so can you talk tomorrow?
Cocacolakec: sure
Cocacolakec: k bye then
Yearwood319: you pick when, i'll be up, heh
Cocacolakec: get better!
Yearwood319: i AM better, or i wouldn't have left tonight
Cocacolakec: don't know exactly what i'm doing so um...
Yearwood319: i'm jus sayin, i'll be up and home
Cocacolakec: sometime tommorow ok
Cocacolakec: k
Yearwood319: and rocky decided to bug me at the party too, grr
Cocacolakec: bye bi
Cocacolakec: hehe
Cocacolakec: :D
Yearwood319: "you've missed like thre of hassig's lessons, you know htat?"
Yearwood319: "how are you gonna make that up?"
Cocacolakec: hehe especially the one friday!
Yearwood319: i said "if i have to i'll talk to kristen about it cause she told me what all he was talking about tuesday and wed. and i knew it already"
Yearwood319: and he saiud something about you and i almost killed him right there
Cocacolakec: uh what did he say!!!!?
Yearwood319: he said something about that cavender girl and something something k-state and something else
Yearwood319: i don remember, it was like going on 8
Yearwood319: and i remember telling him do you want me to rip your balls out now or later
Cocacolakec: oh i thought it was something bad-it wasn't was it?
Yearwood319: it was
Cocacolakec: like what did he say
Cocacolakec: this concerns me
Yearwood319: i dont remember what he said, seiously
Cocacolakec: uhh
Cocacolakec: oh well
Yearwood319: i was about to drop him right then, i'm not even joking
Cocacolakec: thanks for offering to rip his balls off
Yearwood319: ashley hadn't showed up yet, so i was being good
Cocacolakec: heh heh
Yearwood319: youre welcome
Yearwood319: i was bout to seriously drop him too, till i remembered my folks were there
Cocacolakec: k
i'll just leave it at that for the night. g'nite ya'll, i'm bout to get yelled at if i'm on much longer.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.