my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
another valentine's day to go down in my past of horrible ones. in first hour today, they passed out all the carnations that people had bought for each other all week. i sat and watched as everyone around me got one, hoping that the next one would be for me. then there was three left, two, one...the girl walked right up to me and handed it to the person next to me. everyone got at least one flower, except me. i mean everyone when i say that too.
third hour, kristen bobbie and i talk the whole time, everyone had everything done, so it was basically a free day. they had no idea how much i was being torn apart inside because everyone around me had something for valentine's day, and i didn't. people walked around with roses and bears and chocolate and stuff at break. kristen and i talked as usual, and i gave her a hug and a happy v-day, and did the same to ashers when i saw her with tury. she had a couple flowers of course.
fifth hour passed by extremely slowly today. when i got in there, i tried to talk, no one payed attention. of course my seat is in the corner in the back of the room...prime spot of being ignored. so, no one listened to me the whole class period. i leaned my head back on the chalkboard behind me and stared at a spot on the ceiling the whole time, not one single are you okay or what's wrong from anyone, no one noticed me. at lunch, tiffany (stewart, not the other one) gave me a little thingy of wedding bubbles as she walked in the building. it was messed up and it dribbled everywhere, what looked like slobber or something whenever i tried to blow bubbles. there's more 5th hour after lunch, which was more time to sit alone and stare at the ceiling because i had everything done already. everything done for tuesday for that matter.
choir, 7th hour, my safe haven. i'm walking there, tury asks me in the hallway where ashley is. i am not her keeper, i don't know where she is all the time. i told him that as i walked away. i got into the choir room, and ashers wasn't there. then i saw her walk on on tury's arm. she talked about how he was going to walk her to the car and everywhere else today. she just called me and the first thing out of her mouth was "tury's late picking me up!" they were gonna go for dinner.
back to the point landa. on the bus, my only friend that's left on there, jamie, one of my pet rookies, sat in the seat across from me. i was leaning on the side looking out the window and listening to my cd player. she, holding about 8 carnations, looked over and asked me if today was just another crappy valentine's day. this girl who was holding a bunch of flowers and who i knew probably hadn't had a valentine's day like i've had i my life. i knew her through elementary school, and she was shaping up to be one of those little popular people that are never ignored from what i can tell, my sister is one. and she asked me if it was just another bad valentine's day. it took all the stregth i had to not cry right then. it had taken more not to cry in first hour, but it still took a lot for me not to do that. i felt the tears welling up, but i fought them back cause i swore to myself that i would never let them see me cry again, not after what happened in elementary school.
i'm gonna cut this off now, lisa's in the process of making me feel a hellofalot better. bye ya'll (giggling her butt off)
UPDATE
i only have about 5 minutes left, so i can't get into what i wanted to say. but, i'm getting tired of having to go all the way back to like mid november to edit my quiz result page, so here's the latest quiz...you were right sis, hehe. tty tomorrow guys, bye ya'll.
crap, i can't put it in, it totally messes up my format...grr. here's what it says though:
BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuative. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.