my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
alright, here's a new entry now that i'm done with kendall's new format. it's still on templatetest.diaryland.com, i'm just too lazy to make a link, so, yeah. and i'm prolly gonna turn that into a template site when i figure out how, just fyi.
lisa and i got to talk a little bit today, not as much as we had hoped though. we were talking, and her mom started yelling at her. and, of course, my mic goes out so i can't talk to her and try to make her feel better. i did get to type what i could think of to say to her, but it wasn't the same to me anyway. i just saw her go from being happy to crying, just like that. it hurts so much to see that just happen like that...she was yelling at her to go clean up her room. lisa just started saying how everything was going wrong and that she can never be happy cause she's not allowed to, and it hurt to hear that because i know exactly how she feels. i tried my best to help her, andmy damndest not to cry. she didn't want me to cry, so i told her i wouldn't. at least i could help her somehow. (there's more later)
kendall's diary is finally done! go me! i jsut had to get a different server for her pics and mine because the one i was using went kaplhooie in the midlde of the day. it took all day to get that layout done, and i started out with mine and worked in her colors and images! that's sad! thing is, i didn't have the colors and stuff that she wanted on there, so i had to pause and wait for her to get home. but, it all looks good and works now, you should go check it out! she and i were talking while i was doing it, and she would go and check my progress. when i finally got it on there, she said *and this is a direct quote, copy/pasted*: "roll out the red carpet for jersey daniels, for she makes damn good shakira thingys!" that was kinda funny, lol.
right after i was almost done with that, i saw that lisa signed into yahoo. she imed me and said that she had cried herself to sleep...my little sister cried herself to sleep and there was nothing i could do for her. we talked about some things and fixed our diaries while we did, many "love you sis"es said. i know what she's going through, it's happened to me before too. her mom is yelling at her more, she's crying more, and feeling like she can't be happy anymore. me an my mom for the last two years. sure, nowadays we don't yell so much, but we aren't even in the same room most of the time. half the time she's not even home when i am lately. it hurts that i can't be there to help her more than i am now. but, at least i'm helping out from where i am, that's more than i can say about other things that have happened in my life so far.
i've been thinking a lot mroe about getting a car and just driving my way up there...just getting in it one day and leaving for a while. that won't happen for a while though, mom and dad shot down those dreams earlier. we were all in the same room for a little while and were talking for once. they said that i'm not getting a car. i'll be sixteen this summer, and i'm not getting a car. i have to wait till i'm 18. all of my dreams that i've had for a while now have been totally destroyed. no nashville when i hit 18, cause i'll have to get a car first...and most of all, i can't go to new york this summer...or winter...or the next...they have no idea how much they hurt me with that one. there's no possible way that they know. and they wouldn't care anyway, they never do. they tell me that i'll get over it. i'm sorry, but this time, they totally shot me down, they shot down my future.
i'm gonna find a way to get to new york some other way. i'm getting a job this summer, i'll be getting money. there's airplanes, trains, busses...various other things. lisa, i told you i don't break promises, i'm gonna get out there somehow, i just don't know how or when yet *fighting tears*
alright guys, i gotta go. it's after nine, and, yeah, my parents will kill me if i'm on here much longer. bye ya'll, and love you! (you know who you are)
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.