my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
yes, the truth about how i feel seems to be coming out in here. this is a disclaimer. lots of time and heart went into this one..beware.
ok, i woke up this morning and decided to write. yes, i wrote a poem, and you have to put up with it now, cause it's how i feel, and that's what i put in here, so, :P
Slowly
Slowly,
right before my eyes
I find that death
has no disguise.
It happens
to everyone,
be by nature,
or by gun.
Slowly,
I see my best friend die.
Nothing I can do
but cry.
The sadness
seems to take me in.
Try after try,
I can't breathe again.
Slowly,
there becomes a way
to cope with this,
day by day.
I call my sister,
and tell her about
what's happening,
and she helps out.
Slowly,
I tell her how I feel,
to me this all seems
too unreal.
she didn't have to
be there, but was.
And she's right there for me
because
Slowly,
I have to say good bye.
Knowing that my friend
might die.
I'll always remember
the time we shared.
And that there was
one more heart that cared.
-Yolanda Daniels 12-28-01
yup, that's kinda how i feel right now. i called kristen and told her everything that was going on before i came over here (to ashley's) last night, so she knows what's going on. i got a "hang in there sis" from her. she dunno how much that meant either. me n ashley talked for a while before she went to sleep. i actualy slept in her lil bro's bed last night, didn't sleep on the floor, so we were a couple rooms apart when she went to bed. but, it was good talkin to her like that, it really helped out. see, i've only had one person die in my life that i've noticed, and i was like, 6 then. all i know is that my grandpa died, i wore all black that day...then that summer, i asked daddy if we were gonna go over to his house, and he said he wasn't there anymore...
and now here i sit, on ashley's computer, thinking about what may or may not happen. wishing that, one time, i could see this person, who is my best friend, dying or not...shoot, i hear shakira, and i think about her. found out she's like, obsessed with her music. and ashley happens to listen to pop around the house, so i've heard it a few times today. when i did sleep last night, i cried myself into it..think i had maybe 4 hours put together of all the times i tried to. i just keep thinking, damn landa, what would happen if something like this were to happen to ashley, or lisa, or kristen...they're geting lots of i love yous and hugs right now...i don't want to ever let them think i don't care and everything, who knows what tomorrow brings?
damn, this has taken almost an hour now...i better start wraping things up for now. well, ashley, kristen, lisa, and kendall, love you guys. i'm gonna go before this gets any longer. thanks for puttin up with me this long everyone. bye.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.