my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
just when i think things can get better they get worse. and they get worse by the minute. just got even more bad stuff. what happened before this, well, me and her mom talked a lil more, and she got her online. i tried to talk to her and it didn't work out too well. i said sorry and all that and asked if it was me she was mad at. she said no and all that. i forget what happened, but i snapped. i couldn't keep the secret anymore. i gave her a link to the entry before this one (which you should have read cause it says to before you read this one) and she evidently read it and got off. i didn't want to be the one to tell her that, but, yeah, it was driving me nuts. didn't say a word.
i copy/pasted the conversation for tina, and she got kinda, um, i dunno what emotion that was. i have this really bad feeling about what's gonna happen by the end of the night. i just see something not so good happening to her...she sent me an email saying to tell a buncha people she loves them, and to write back. i wrote back with this:
kendall, i get a feeling i know what you're about to do. don't do it, please. believe it or notl, you're my best friend, and you do'nt need to go like this, not now..i'm sorry that you ahd to find out that way, but i kinda snapped...i was sitting here cryin and thinkin bout killin myself cause i fucked things up for you..please don't do anything. i love ya chick. please write back or get on or something. bye.
she got on. here's what happened:
ersey_girl396 says:
kendall?
*~Kendall~* says:
give me 15 good reason why i shouldn't kill myself
jersey_girl396 says:
#1 shelby
jersey_girl396 says:
#2 your mom
jersey_girl396 says:
#3, i love ya believe it or not
jersey_girl396 says:
#4 would mark have wanted you to do that?
jersey_girl396 says:
#5 you have plenty to keep on living for, no matter how long you end up still here
jersey_girl396 says:
#6 things aren't always as shitty as they seem
jersey_girl396 says:
#7 i need someone to tell how to spell
jersey_girl396 says:
#8 your mom just said that she loves you
jersey_girl396 says:
#9 what is reallly worth dying right now for?
jersey_girl396 says:
#10 you said yourself, things happen for a reason
jersey_girl396 says:
#11 i hear that you have a big sister coming to see you
jersey_girl396 says:
#12 i'm told to tell you your friend will never forgive you
*~Kendall~* says:
ur right...she wouldnt
jersey_girl396 says:
#13 more people love you than you might think
*~Kendall~* says:
god why am i sush a meess
*~Kendall~* says:
martin dont lobe me
*~Kendall~* says:
lob
*~Kendall~* says:
lvoe
jersey_girl396 says:
#14 there's at least 5 people that need you around
*~Kendall~* says:
love
jersey_girl396 says:
#15 you have to put up with me as long as possible
i'm not getting into the rest of it cause it was too much for even me to handle. there's more going on as we speak, and i don't know if my vest friend wil still be alive by the end of the night...omg this is all my fault...from what i can tell, she's somewhere where she may as well kill herself...i'm movin messages for her and her mom again.
kendall just left, so i hope she's going home..i'm driving myself insane, all this feels like it's my fault, even though tina tells me it's not. it's a feeling that doesn't go away. and i can't even imagine how she must feel right now...times like these make me wish i wasn't such a fucking trustworthy person......
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.