my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
here's a glimpse into my day today. i wrote this sitting amongst my family who didn't say a word to me unless it was completely necessary. i felt like an outcast, the black sheep, all that. even my own family won't talk to me anymore.
an atheist's non-christmas
sitting here thinking
of christmases past
wondering why the feeling
no longer lasts
spending your time
with family and friends
deep inside hoping
that it never ends
all of a sudden
one year, it's gone
you don't feel the same
the season seems long
things still happen
everything the same
but all of a sudden
it looks like a game
beliefs that change
feelings that leave
it seems all of winter
is a time to grieve
you wish that the feelings
would come back to you
the love and the caring
the happy thoughts too.
everyone goes on celebrating
while you feel alone
feeling like you're being
publicly stoned
but, you "put up" with it
and lose touch again
and know that next year
"they" will win again
your beliefs change again
you're the outcast
not believing in "their god"
feeling that it's your past
that time of year
you just give up
celebrate "their" holiday
sit there, and shut up
yes, that's what happened today. only person who talked to me was april. she knows about how i been feeling lately..i'm turning into her. that's one of the few things that i am truely afraid of..and i dunno what i can do to get away from it....
i need to go, like, now before i cry again. i did out there, and no one cared..that let me down. till tomorrow, g'nite!
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.