my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
ok, promise me you will never do this. i just took an oreo pie crust and mushed it all up with cool whip. sudden oreo craving, and that was the next best thing. eh boy, i wish i hadn't done that, i gut a stomach ache the size of texas. *groans*
in between restarts for lisa (i'll get into our convo later), my friend made it on. she told me that her best friend mark jumped off a bridge..seriously didn't know what to say about that one. can't really say that i've been through that before. kendall says r.i.p. mark.
alright, me and lisa tlaked for a wihle. we WERE on talk, but her computer messed up and she had to restart. most of the talking was her telling me about her bad day and me trying to sing, but it not letting me. she didn't get presents from anyone other than candace today, which i think is wrong, and i totally know how she feels. all week, only thing i got was presents from kristen, and a candy cane greeting in second hour from kristen. see a little pattern here? ashley's excuse is to wait till she gets back from LA, after christmas. thing is, people now know that i don't really celebrate christmas. but, even so, it feels kinda depressing to be the only one without anything while everyone else is carrying around bags of stuff that they've gotten. christmas has always been depressing for me, evidently this year more than many. i was thinking earlier about christmas in new york..something that i hope to do next year..i have to get new glasses though. i found out yesterday, my right eye has gotten to 20/70. i couldn't read the third line clearly. the driving thing may take even longer to do.
can't write anymore right now, i'll add on this entry later on cause i'm finding out some stuff right now. bie.
same nigh 9:02pm
o boy, the stuff i get to add now...
ok, that friend from earlier? i found out a LOT of stuff from and about her. ya know how i said her friend had killed himself? he was murdered. i not gonna say why or anything cause that's not my business, and you don't really need to know either. but, she's really sad and everything and i have no clue what to tell her.
ok, i think this is all gonna be about her tonight. she told me the truth about what's wrong with her. her cancer..well..there's nothing that can be done. and she's not taking the chemo, so, yeah...and she said not to feel sorry for her, and i don't cause i was told not to. plus, i'm not one to feel sorry for people all the time, cause i know i hate it when everyone does with me. just wondering about her daughter now.
i told lisa about all this and i kinda hit a nerve..not getting into it cause i dunno if i should or not. on top of it all, she's sick and all that. and the loneliness is hitting more now than before. we really need to see each other sometime in the very near future, but who knows when that can happen. i'm sorry, but real hugs do a helluvalot better than *hug*. i love her, and i wish we could see each other a lot sooner than MAYBE next winter. maybe if i can bend mom n dad's arms back enough this summer..we could go there instead of colorado..i mean, there's more of a REASON for new york than colorado now..
anyway, i'd probably better go. i got tummy ache, heart ache, and wounded spirit goin right now. i'll try to write after i get home tomorrow from st. joe for early christmas. g'nite ya'll, bie.
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.