my world enchanted
landa; eighteen; attached lesbian; kansas city; kansas; live with my daddy; baby named sango; kid named storm; crochity old lady kiddy; generally here hanging out or somewhere else with elsbe; love music; college freshman; undecided major.
everything i dreamed
elsbe; evanescence; inuyasha; rachel; cauterize; dashboard; daddy; sango; kiddy; music in general; gamecube; online games; block breaker on the cell; ashley; kristen; sai; mika; sheryl crow; katie holmes; women of substance; gravitation; what few friends i have; slight thunderstorms; cool rain on my skin in the summer; the feeling of falling in love.
my life in shadow
boys who will never be men; men who will never be boys; homophobia; closed-mindedness; the feeling of falling away from love; seeing someone walk away; reaching for air; losing what little friends i have; fighting with someone; feeling like a mooch; severe thunderstorms; losing touch; feeling alone; living alone; always being wrong; crying.
i am currently sneaking around and almost got caught once already. so, this is going to be shorter than what i had planned on putting on here.
most of the friggin day today, i've been all depressed and stuff cause of last night. ashley and i had a nice little fight with gregg. he ended up bad mouthing both of us in the end. he said that i never "loved" him and all that, and that i was playing with him all along. i had told him that i eeded a while to myself, no friends even, cause i need to sort things out. he took that the wrong way. he told ME that i'm a lesbian and am with ashley and that explains why there wasn't a guy on the side. BULL SHIT! me and ashley both went off on him. he said that i supposedly need to rethink who my friends are cause mine obviously don't want meto be happy or anything. i remember something being said about kris too, but i don't remember what. i got nice and pissy back at him and everything, cause i don't care what's said about me, but he brought my big sisters into this one. got me going off more than i have in a long time. guess the hate him forever thing did happen in the end. in the end, my ex-bastard is now in the marines and i will laugh when he gets hurt cause he deserves it.
about 4:00, thw whole suicide thing came up in my head again...i talked to blaze, al, kasai, and kumori on that one. ended up me, blaze and al. they helped me some, but not that much. got me to quit loking at the window as a way out. kristen got on about seven, and she helped emensely. she got my mind on other things and all that. lisa eventually got on, and she got me totally out of it. she's lookin like the only person who can do that for me right now, and i'm very greatful that i met her. she made me promise a while back that i wouldn't actually do it, and that's kept me alive, literally. i actually got to talk to her for the first time in a while, cause i had been losing my voice for a while. even though i was so depressed, it was good to talk to her. i met her aunt, she's cool, hehe. i sound older than i am :D, well, that's what she says. anyway, i was getting better by that point, so, yeah. i ended up being on 20 minutes later than i'm supposed to cause mom n dad had gone to bed early.
i dunno how much longer i have on ehre, so i'm just oging to cut this off now. i'll write more tomorrow. nite people!
layout and all content İcoyotesabre 2005. images manipulated in paint shop pro 8, obtained through yahoo search.